u/ButteredBidcuits

This post might be TMI but oh well. So my boyfriend (20M) and I (19F) have been dating for nearly a year and have been really good friends for 3 years and he’s always had an attraction towards me. Not trying to stroke myself or anything but I’d say I’m a pretty above average looking person and I go to the gym so I have a decent body as well. Just trying to give a vision. He always says he’s attracted to me and compliments me everyday and I believe it and I love that, but he’s not as sexually driven as me I guess? Like when we shower together he doesn’t get yk, hard when I’m naked or whatnot, and if he does it’s rarely. And I swear I touch his ass more than he touches mine. There’s just a bunch of little things that add up that makes me feel like he doesn’t get turned on by me. I’ve talked with him about this actually few times, and even today and he always says that “that’s ridiculous I do find you attractive and I just can’t control when that happens” and I understand everybody is different but he’s only gets hard when I do something to him. How come he doesn’t get erected whenever I’m naked or he just looks at me? He only gets hard after I do something to him. And I hate comparison and I know it’s the thief of joy but the only other boyfriend I had ALWAYS got hard from me and loved my body and made me feel like a goddess (everything else about him was terrible though) but my now boyfriend is so so so amazing but this is the one thing that throws me off. So is this normal? Sorry for the TMI. I just am still kinda new with relationships and I get everybody is different but I feel like he never really touches me and whatnot. He grabs me and stuff but only really stated doing it more after I said I would like to be more but it doesn’t feel genuine. Idk please help😭

TLDR, so basically my boyfriend doesn’t get hard at me being naked and whatnot and only gets hard after I do something to him and he doesn’t really touch me. Is this normal? Please help.

This is going to be a long one so sorry in advance. But for context, my boyfriend (20M) and I (19F) have been close friends for about 3 years and have been dating for 9 months today actually. We worked together in the past and that’s how we met. We’ve always been close and hit it off but I always told myself I’d never date him because he has a girl best friend, WHILE dating someone. (They aren’t friends anymore and obviously they broke up). But anyways, I was also in a relationship and he got me out of it because it was pretty bad, and me and him have had so many coincidences together. We kinda fell off after we stopped working together but knew we would always be there for one another. But then we happened to run into each other one day in the one place we first went to together outside of work, crazy right? And apparently the day before he was talking to a friend of ours how he regretted not taking a shot with me.

And well the rest is history. He basically got me out of my old relationship (it was toxic) and I told him I needed time. But he definitely rushed things for my standards but I felt bad and thought I’d be mean to say no to a lot of things and it almost makes me resent him a little in a way? Even though I know I technically made him feel it was alright. Though I feel like it’s common sense not to rush someone just out of a long term relationship. But anyways he’s a really good guy and boyfriend, my family loves him, he gets along really well with them. My friends love him, and he does everything a good boyfriend does. Ofc he has his faults but everyone does. But getting to the point, he’s just…not my type. We look almost identical honestly like people mistake us for twins sometimes. But I rubbed that off with I always saw this thing “soulmates look alike.”

But he is NOT athletic at all. We go to the gym together and I’d say we look pretty good but other than that, not an ounce of athleticism in his body. And I know typically it’s the other way around l, but I grew up with a lot of siblings and always loved anything athletic or competition. He hasn’t. He can’t bowl, he runs like pheobe from friends. I’ve only drived golfing twice in my life and already have a better score than him, and there’s punching bags at the gym that he’ll randomly punch for fun and his whole form is wrong and I have to look away. I’ve tried teaching him with everything how to fix his form but it just doesn’t click for him.

He also grew up kinda spoiled, and I was on the poor side getting raised as a kid. And he has more bodies/girlfriends in the past that is more than comfortable for me. In reality it’s not that much but I still don’t really like it. And whenever we kiss it’s never felt like fireworks. I know it seems like I’m just bashing on him, that’s not what I’m trying to do. In reality, there’s nothing wrong with these. I’m just trying to get the point across as short as possible. This is just preference. But overall, he treats me great and he loves me dearly and we’re planning on making a big move (1000 miles +) in a few months and I’m just stuck. We agree on so many things and in hindsight we’d be perfect but I just resent him because how do simple things just not click? He has ZERO coordination with nearly anything but somehow is the best guitarist I’ve ever heard? The only thing he’s good at is music things, which I love because my family is very music oriented to. But that’s besides the point.

He also has no common sense sometimes and it drives me nuts. Always asking goofy questions and he calls it “girlfriend” brain. I’m just like really. My type is a smart, athletic man. And that’s just…not so much him but I love him so dearly and cherish him. He knows he does these things too because we laugh about, but it’s still enough to make me think about it sometimes like this. What should I do? Because in reality he treats me great but I just can’t get past it.

Theres some more little things but this is already getting long. But TLDR, in summary, he’s and amazing boyfriend but I just can’t get past that he’s not my type. What should I do?

EDIT: I should probably reword this but this is only like 2% of our relationship. And the only problem we have and he knows it too. We laugh it off but I still think about it sometimes. I just want to know if this is normal, or I should get over myself, or should I take a deeper look into this? He is amazing and we love each other so much I’m just young and confused honestly. Ive only been in one other relationship and it wasn’t good.