I’m a SAHM with a 5-month-old and a 3-year-old and I feel like I’m slowly losing myself. I’ve only been a SAHM since I’ve had my second child. I’ve told my husband multiple times that I’m exhausted and need actual time to myself, not just surviving the day, but time to feel like a human being again and focus on my passions/goals. He always says he understands, but nothing changes.
He has a demanding job, I’m not denying that. Long hours during the week, works Sundays too. I get that he’s tired.
But even when he gets home, I’m still doing everything. Kids, dinner, mental load, all of it. And if I try to step back or ask him to take over, he makes comments about how I’m “pushing the kids on him” because he’s tired from work. And I’m just sitting there like, I’ve been “at work” all day too.
He’s off Friday and Saturday, but I work all day Friday, so that’s not a break. Saturday is the only real opportunity for me to have time to myself, but im still doing things for the kids all day on Saturday and running around busy.
What bothers me most is that this isn’t a communication issue anymore. I’ve already said all of this clearly and multiple times. He knows I’m burnt out.
I don’t want to be the wife who nags, but I’m starting to feel resentful and honestly kind of invisible. Like my time and energy just doesn’t matter as much because I’m “home.”
So I don’t know:
Am I actually asking for too much here?
Is it reasonable to expect him to take over when he gets home, even if he’s tired?
How do you deal with a partner who acknowledges the problem but doesn’t change anything?
Because right now it feels like I don’t get to be a person — just the default parent 24/7.