u/Busy_Note6660

I teach 8th grade. Before spring break, I shared with my coworkers I was pregnant after the 12 weeks. I was so excited! Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage and was out for about 7 weeks. I wasn’t mentally/emotionally to go back to work. Some kids new I was pregnant bc some teachers had told them. But that’s it. Word started spreading…

I told my principal and team department about my miscarriage and they were extremely supportive and sweet to me.

I came back last week and did not prepare to answer my kids questions. They asked “ms are you pregnant?” “Ms did you miscarry?” “Ms did you have cancer?” “Ms, I thought you had died?” And so many more questions.

I was so overwhelmed by everything and decided to briefly tell them that I was pregnant and had a pregnancy loss/miscarriage. That’s it. I did not say anything else… tried to keep that boundary and told them to not ask anymore questions.
The rumors and questions stopped. They sympathized and were super sweet about It.

I thought that was a great idea to clear up these weird speculations, but for some reason, I can’t stop thinking I should’ve said something else. I value my private life so much and keep boundaries with my kids. And afterwards, I felt and currently still feel emotionally exposed & vulnerable …

I’m going crazy thinking like “the whole school knows my business.” But some knew I was pregnant.

Please tell me me I did the right thing. I’m going crazy… and I can’t go back in time… but I’m stressed.

Middle school teacher

Hello… I’m a middle school 8th grade teacher in the U.S who just experienced a tragic pregnancy loss… I’m battling with my head and I just need some support.

Earlier this year, I got pregnant with my second baby. My husband and I were so excited and we just wanted to announce to everyone. I am a teacher so I have a public social workplace. After my first trimester, I decided to share with some coworkers that I was pregnant. At this point, it wasn’t a secret anymore… I’m very reserved and truly hate being the attention or talk of the season… but who cares this was happy news, I didn’t care.

I decided to wait and not tell my students but some of them are so smart and would say comments like “ms… you’re eating too much, I wonder why? Are you pregnant?”
“Ms, why are you eating pickles” “ms, your belly looks bigger…” I would jokingly say like “oh wow, who said that?” Or like avoid the question just because I truly keep it professional and avoid sharing personal information. But kids probably heard things and suspected that I was.

After spring break, I had miscarriage and decided to take some time off. I wasn’t okay mentally and emotionally. That time off turned into 2 months of not going to work… I was miserable. During that time, I had some of my 8th graders email me asking “ms are you okay?” “Ms we miss you” “ms where you pregnant?” “Ms are you having a boy or girl?” I never replied to them.

Well, yesterday I went to work after about 7 weeks of time off. I was confused when coworkers, I didn’t tell that I was pregnant would come up and hug me and ask if I was okay. But I didn’t really mind. They’re adults, they’re professionals… it’s normal they would want to check in. I kept it simple and did not explain anything just said I had a miscarriage.

Anyways, word got out that I was back and students ran to my classroom. Class hadn’t even started… I had students crying. Kids late to their 1st period. Everyone hugging me. It felt so nice trying to get back to normal and being at work. However, I wasn’t ready for the questions. Kids asked me so many questions.

Some of them knew I was pregnant because some teachers had told them. And I thought it was ok because it wasn’t a secret. But then I had other kids asking if I had cancer &’ some even thought I had died. I even had some kid telling me “Miss did you have a miscarriage? Did you lose a baby?” I was just overwhelmed with all the questions. I didn’t know what to say. I lied and said I went to Dubai for vacation. But I noticed that didn’t help and caused even more confusion, chaos and just speculation, rumors. And even though I know, I don’t owe people explanation, I thought it was better to just tell them that I was pregnant and had a miscarriage/pregnancy loss. This truly helped me avoid answering future questions. Avoid so many misunderstandings, avoid rumors and avoid so many things like those crazy stories. They actually moved on each class period and they didn’t ask me anymore… they just kind of sat there and said “oh no, that’s so sad.” And some said “ms I hope you’re okay” and we moved on. They stopped asking.

But now I’m thinking like I shouldn’t have said anything. I should’ve just lied. Because now my personal business is out there and coworkers and other people are going to find out. I just feel miserable because I just am very private and reserved. I’m thinking like “everyone is going to judge me?” “Coworkers will say I’m crazy for sharing something so personal?” “I’m gonna be the new gossip of the season” i don’t want people to know but at the same time, I don’t want people to make up these crazy stories.

Like these thoughts and I hate it. Please tell me I did the right thing😔… these thoughts are eating me up.