I hate how ridiculous having OCD feels sometimes
I don't have a serious case of OCD, which I'm thankful for, but after years of rawdogging it it's really frustrating me with all the nothing burger panic attacks.
I read a post about cybersecurity cracking down on pedophiles and what's the first thought that my brain churns out? "Oh god they're coming for me". And just ??? Why??? I get this though instantly and I don't even have enough time to even get hit with irrational stress before I'm jerked back to reality with how unreasonable of a thought that is. I actively live in fear of interacting with kids because of how impressionable and brutally honest they are, and my target audience is primarily bears twice my age. Just, why is my brain bombarding me and trying to convince me that I'm a pedo even when I'm so obviously not?? Even I know that yeah I'm a jerk but not a monster
Part of the things OCD tries to convince me of are not even things I could talk to my therapist about because it feels pointless. Like, yes, my brain is trying to make me think I'm a monster and I perfectly rationally know that it's twisted lies this hunk of meat in my head made up, but alas the OCD persists. It just pisses me off at this point but still menage to work myself into panic attacks over half the bs. I feel like an old man yelling at the sun
(If this post is unreadable, then in my defense I haven't gotten much sleep in *a while*)