This might be slightly graphic so disclaimer, but I need y'all to understand why I feel so indignant
So my ex gf who I dated for 5 years claimed that she had not given me consent the last time we had sex which is a clear and utter lie. While I did not get a verbal "yes", she clearly told me to grab a condom. I did so and she assumed the doggy style position and I proceeded to do what I needed to do. (Key point I need to point out here is that at some point, it slipped out and she put it back in herself so I could continue)
Anyway, I'm an older guy now and my knee started giving out so I asked her to flip over to her back. She did so and we continued. Once we were done, I asked if she was good or if she needed me to continue since sometimes it took her a bit longer to finish. She said she was good and I said cool. She looked a little disappointed and I chuckled a bit from my own embarrassment at not having done a good job (little did I know, that chuckle would be the catalyst for everything).
A few weeks later (we hadn't had sex since then), she sits me down and tells me that she felt that I had raped her that night. I was in disbelief and couldn't really respond but she kept talking. She said how I made her feel unsafe, that during the course of the sex, she realized that she didn't want to do it anymore. She was upset that I hadn't noticed that she didn't want to do it anymore. I was clearly flabbergasted, I mean, she was an active participant. She willingly switched positions, she put it back in herself for fucks sake, and now all of a sudden it's rape just because she changed her mind without telling me?.
You know what, fine, I would have given her the changing her mind thing. She's allowed to change her mind at any moment and I would have stopped. But she said nothing!!, she did nothing! When I questioned why she didn't say anything at the time and kept participating, she said she froze, which is why she wasn't able to say anything. In my mind I thought...'when the hell did you freeze?, when you were assuming the doggy style position completely unprompted?, or when you flipped over willingly halfway?. Or maybe it's when I slipped out and you grabbed it and put it back in?. Why does it feel like I was being blamed for her regret and lack of accountability?. We had even spoken about this. I told her a million times that if she ever felt uncomfortable or wanted me to stop, she was free to tell me. Hell she could even punch and hit me if she wanted. I even proposed safe words which she rejected since they were not "romantic".
She wanted me to get a verbal "yes" from her moving forward and I asked how that would help with her freezing and she couldn't answer me. I obviously left her but honestly, I feel so indignant. How is any of this fair?. Why should I now be scared of being labeled a rapist because she changed her mind?. I'm genuinely scared for my son and all young men out there in the world today.