The worst part is seeing them move on like nothing ever happened.
Me and her have been separated for 6 months. She is literally existing like she didn’t beg me to explain how much I love her every single day. I wake up in an empty apartment. I don’t have an appetite, so I force myself to eat. I think about her every 5 minutes without much control while she is probably moving on without much concern while attending Nursing school.
Her most recent post on Facebook (she post once a year) says “I’m back!” and it’s just pictures of her in the club with drinks, rocking a short revealing dress and all of her comments admiring the “glow up.” I know it sounds like I am being a hater. Well, I am. You can’t possibly be “happy” for a person who used you to launch their next career chapter without any display of appreciation throughout the relationship. Also, what’s up with them deciding to “reinvent themselves” AFTER the relationship? Did I not deserve that?
4 years spent together and she basically just pretends I don’t exist. I have come to the conclusion that love is a means to an end for most. There a preconditions (masks to wear, money to make, self-depreciating compromises, and status to gain) that determine the accessibility to that love. Even if you have every precondition met, it will still not be enough for 50% of men today. I am 26 years old, make high six figures, tall, and I actually have hobbies (music and reading). I feel deeply, treat people with the respect I get, and try to REALLY pair bond to the person I am with.
None of it is enough. The saddest thing I ever heard came from her Uncle who still calls me:
“Think about it nephew. Even if y’all had 25 good years of marriage, at least you could say that the experience is what counted.”
Yeah, F all that. I don’t even want to experience this anymore. I rather die alone with a carrot in my ass than go through the excruciating pain of this process AGAIN, but with children, alimony and assets in the picture. The worst thing I have to live with is the fact that she knows my darkest secrets and insecurities. I regret letting her in on that stuff as you know she was most likely blabbering about them with her “girlfriends” after the breakup to speed up her grieving process (assuming she had one).