u/Busy-Perspective-519

I will start by saying my home life is quite magical and amazing. The best son, wonderful husband, great dog, great property, love(d) my job. So I don’t know why life feels so heavy a lot lately. I came back to work after a 19.5m maternity leave, and I feel like things are getting the best of me. I’m beyond grateful for the time I had with my son, I wish it didn’t end, but that’s just life and people have to work. Please don’t think I’m being ungrateful. I’ve been back for about 8months now. I feel crazy. I feel like I have a job that expects/demands more from me than I can actually do. I’m one person. I’ll be fine one moment, then the next my checks are on fire, my chest feels so heavy, and my body is vibrating. Very similar to how I feel after a panic attack. I used to be easy going but I’m getting triggered. I feel like my happiness is slowly dying. My home feels like my only safe place where I don’t feel overwhelmed or like things are too heavy.
I just want to know this is normal, it will go away. I know I just need to deal with it and figure out how to make it better. I don’t want medication. I meditate everyday. Being outside barefoot wandering my property either by myself or with my family is the best therapy. But then work starts, and I go back into this very uncomfortable feeling. But I also love my job, my coworkers, and the clients.
Edit: just to add that all of this is likely stemming from me feeling like I have very little time with my family. I only see my son a few hours at night before he goes to bed, a short time before school, and on weekends. Being a working mom with the heart of a SAHM is hard.
-One very confused mamma.