u/Busy-Ad-6030

I (25F) have been seeing a guy (32M) for about 4 months now. He had been trying to pursue me for quite some time but I was reluctant to give him a chance because the current situation is very messy and complicated. For one, we are coworkers. We don’t work in the same team but work for the same organisation and see each other every day. He has one child with a former partner and they have a good co parenting relationship which I actually adore. But it gets messier in that he also has another baby on the way which resulted from a one night stand, but the added difficulty is that his newest baby mama is another one of our coworkers (32F). They don’t have much of a relationship at all, he tries to get along with her for the sake of the baby that is due this month but she’s been very difficult. He’s trying to make an effort to have some type of co parenting relationship with her but so far it hasn’t worked out too well as it seems her expectation was that once she fell pregnant, he would want to pursue an actual relationship with her.

Him and I get along so well. Our values in terms of our careers and our lives are so aligned and we have deeply connected over similar past traumas and how we have been able to work through them. I have a very difficult time trusting and feeling comfortable around people because of the things I’ve been through, but with him I feel completely comfortable and appreciated. We have kept whatever this is a secret from everyone, but especially from those at work, so as to not cause more drama considering the mother of his unborn child is also working there. But I will admit, it does mess with my mind. To spend the night together and then go to work the next day and pretend like we hardly know each other sucks. We’ve spoken about it a lot and he says he feels the same way. We both really like each other but I haven’t been pushing him because I don’t want to further complicate his life or add more stress to an already stressful situation.

I am just about to go on leave for a week in another state and during this time, it is highly likely his new baby will arrive. I am a bit scared because I feel like I’m going to come back and the life that I am currently living is going to be completely different. The hardest thing for me is that I don’t know where I stand. He has made comments like “do you think you could wait around for me?” basically saying that he will be pretty absent from my life for a while as he tries to navigate the situation with his two children and asking if I can wait it out until such time. I am just scared, questioning whether I am wasting my time. I am still reasonably young but I have a very demanding career. I am not interested in the dating scene and want to settle into my life and start to have some routine. I just want to have a partner who is my best friend and who I feel I can be my complete self with, which I think I have found in him. But in the circumstances, I don’t know how long I will be waiting, if this is something that could ever work or if my presence is just too much for him right now.

Am I wasting my time by trying to wait out this complicated period or is it worth trying to see if things could eventually work out for us? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I need some advice on whether I am making a huge mistake with my coworker.

I [25F] have been seeing my coworker [32M] for nearly two months now. We see each other nearly every day but it has been incredibly secret and no one at our workplace has any idea. It is not really about the physical relationship, it’s been more of an emotional connection. He calls me every day when he’s driving to and from work and will talk to me throughout the night, or he will come and stay over at my house.

I really like him and he has communicated to me that he really likes me. We work in different departments at the same workplace so don’t see each other a lot when we are there. We work in a very difficult industry and have really bonded over our strongly held shared values. We also have come from similar traumatic background and I have been able to talk to him about some really dark things that I have never shared with anyone. It is extremely difficult for me to feel comfortable around people but with him it has been so easy.

Here is where it gets difficult. He does have a son, which btw doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Seeing how devoted he is as a father is actually one of the main things I like about him. His son came from a prior relationship. He still has a good coparenting relationship with the mother of his child which I greatly admire. However, he is also now expecting a child with another woman (35F). After his heartbreak, he had a one night stand with a woman and she ended up getting pregnant. He had an open discussion with her about whether it was right to keep the baby given that they were not in a relationship and would never be in a relationship. Despite this, she decided to keep the baby and he did not want to abandon his responsibilities with his child and so has tried to establish a similar coparenting relationship for the sake of the child.

This woman has made his life extremely difficult and has made it almost impossible to communicate as coparents. She has him blocked on everything because she decided she wanted them to try have a romantic relationship but he declined. She won’t let him have any involvement in the pregnancy and has considered not even letting him put his name on the birth certificate. Despite this, she is trying to force him to move in with her now and take care of her and the baby when it does come. He wants to be involved in his child’s life but does not want to have a relationship with her or move in with her. He tries to speak to her in person and she just completely ignores him. I know all of this because I have seen it firsthand, we also work together. She works in the same department as him but all three of us work within the same small office building and see each other every day. She does not know we have been seeing each other and we have been careful not to let anyone know because of the obvious added difficulty it is going to cause him.

Things between him and I are really good now but I don’t know how much things are going to change when the baby comes, which will be this month. I’m not so much worried he will get with her, but I worry that his situation is too complicated to start something with me right now. I am only 25 but I work a high profile job and do not have the time or energy to be playing silly relationship games. I really like him and think we could make a good solid partnership together, but am questioning whether I might be wasting my time if his life is too complex right now (especially as I don’t know how much things are going to change when the second baby comes). Would I be making a mistake by being involved with my coworker? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.