I desperately need help/advice
My girlfriend (f23) and I (m24) have been together for five years next Friday. Got together when I was one year graduated and she was close to graduating her senior year. Two very big issues in the relationship are trust and financial responsibility. Trust as in she’s had a habit of lying to me ranging from small thing to pretty large things. Financial responsibility being she struggles to make it to work everyday leaving her without full paychecks throwing off her and my budget leading to me paying for her bills as well as mine. For reference the budget setup I’m paying 3x what she’s paying a month in bills. I found recently that she’s been lying about her finances yet again to me. She’s been taking cash advances on her checks for the last several months. Not because she doesn’t make enough money for what she needs but because she chooses to take so many days of and regularly spends far too much on fast food and coffee. The hardest part about this is the amount of struggle and sacrifice I’ve endured simply thinking she wasn’t making quite enough when in fact she simply hasn’t been showing up and has been blowing money. So she essentially watched me struggle and sacrifice the things that I did while also spending recklessly and not showing up to work everyday. I told her I want to break up that this is my last straw. (We’ve had many conversations about her financial situation and her lying. In fact I’ve even blatantly told her I’m close to the end of my rope as far as this relationship and tolerating the things she does that she knows hurts me. Everytime she apologizes and says things will change. It’s been five years and I have yet to see the change in the ways that I need. We’ve lived together for the majority of our relationship. The hard part now is that we “separated” on Friday. Today is Sunday. She is still in our apartment. She can’t easily move home to her parents because they’ve not necessarily got the room anymore and they are about an hour drive from where she’s currently employed. I love her with everything in me tho. Most of me doesn’t want to even imagine what waking up without her is like. Or going to bed next to her or coming home and seeing her there waiting for me. But I also know that I’ve got to put a line in the sand somewhere and I can’t continue to let myself be lied too. Since we “broke up” I’ve spent most nights out drinking with friends til 1-3 am. I guess I’m kind of trying to avoid the situation entirely by not being at home where she is. But tonight I’m going home and we’re supposed to talk about what our final decisions are on how we’re gonna go about things and I have no clue what to do. I love her and don’t want to lose her but at the same time I’ve been waiting for her to be the person she tells me she wants to be while she’s making empty promises along the way for years now. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
TLDR: gf and I of five years are in the process of splitting and I don’t know what to do as I don’t want to leave her and she doesn’t want to leave me but I also have been being lied to for too long to keep waiting for her to change. Now stuck living together while in relationship limbo.