Hey guys,
So basically I turn 18th in less than a week and Im having huge feelings about it particuarly about its celebration.
Please note I am a middle class family and are most fortunate then most but the place I live and the school I went to is a semi-private school so I could just be acting like a spoilt brat and if so just call me out on it.
Since I was young my parents told me about a big party I would get when I reached the age of 16 - similar to a quincenera as I come from a place which was ruled by the portuguese so heavy influence. However this party was scrapped due to my grandma having a stroke and a second heart attack 3 months before and an issue with my family which caused a bit of tension. My parents promised me they would do a big 18th and even though it hurt i let it go.
Since January Ive been asking about this party and by mums been saying yes and suddenly a month ago she said no to the big party and said "you'll be lucky if you get one with your friends" and has since said no. I was really really torn at this idea and hurt because i felt led on and in the past my wishes has never been executed regarding a lot of things inclduing graduation and prom/formal plans. I always give in to things as i am the oldest of 2 brothers infact when I was 12 I really wanted this adidas jacket and my mum brought it for my brother and said when he doesnt want it you can have it...I was older and taller then him so it wasnt ever gonna fit. This is a stupid and fickle example but I hope you can see how this hurt.
Its now May and there is no party at all planned..my birthday is just over a week and my mum said oh if i feel like holding one you can have it in august with your brother.
I then ask about my actual birthday plans and my parents cant tell me anything they keep saying that oh theres still time. I have uni on my birthday and they dont want to take the day of and they said oh we will come to your uni after work if we have time with your brother and so something then but thats all the plans they have planned. They dont want to take me dress shopping. My mums dying my hair a colour that she wants.
Then they get mad when i bring it up now bc Im annoying them and no time is ever a good time. For my brothers birthdays always get new suits and a big birthday dinner and my parents take leave and we celebrate and do what they want but I sacraficed all of that for the thought of a big 16/18th and now i lost both and Im really torn and I feel like the lack of communication and the lack of care towards my wishes or the playing with my feelings hurt.
I feel mad and that I should say something and need some advice of how i should approach my asian parents - I dont want to seem like a brat but Im about to crash out.