Im just so tired
I will dete this post sooner or later, as i don't want anyone close to me to find it and i'm too tired and depressed to make a burner
I am just so tired of having to deal with the burden of sex. The last 10 years of my life, every single couple that i had said they "respected" my sexuality but always end up taking advantage of my inability to say a hard No. I'm not a jerk, and i know everyone has different necessities, but i cant keep going with being emotionally coaxed into having sex every other week. I just feel like my heart is not able to take it too much longer.
To make matters worse worse, every single time i dated, every single one of the 5 people i've dated in these 10 years, always have this cycle of LITERALLY crying for sex when they are ovulating and then crying out of worry that they might be pregnant a week before their period (i literally always use condom and double check, mind you)
It's just so stressful to have to sacrifice a bit of yourself every other week just to make the other person ""happy"" and then spending a week depressed because of the fear of becoming a father. I just cant take it anymore, specially because i just feel that everytime i give in, im just asked more and more and more the next time. And the fear grows bigger and bigger and bigger everytime.
I love my partner with my whole heart, and i fully believe he loves me too, but im just so tired, so so tired