I hope mods don't delete this. I'm going through a very stressful period in my life. I read and listen to Quran daily and I try to pray all 5 prayers and after missing fajr cuz I just can't seem to wake up for it or maybe im half awake and go back to sleep. I feel so broken ever since Ramadan finished it feels like I'm not the same person anymore. I feel like shaitan is always in my head and there is no call in my ears for fajr because of how weak my iman has been over the last month.
I study abroad and I do not have any friends to share my thoughts with and honestly calling my parents is probably the only time I feel happy during the day. I try to talk as much as I can so they dont end the call even if it takes an hour but of course they have their own stuff to do. For the past week or so there's literally just one thing going in my mind about everything. I even feel ashamed to say this but it's "I want to k*ll myself" Of course I dont want to do it and I'd never and I know Allah will make it all easier for me and this is my test. But as I said I simply don't care about anything anymore. I don't feel like working or trying or doing anything. I'm not even falling into sinful acts, it just feels like im in a void with all the stress.
I look at my situation its not even bad and I feel like I'm a loser for saying it here. But the truth is I think most people have someone to talk to like a friend or sth, I literally have no one to truly express my thoughts to. And if I do to someone in my family I don't want to appear as a loser year old male. And then at night I try to make dua like I used to in the past but it feels like I have no connection with Allah since my faith and iman is at the bottom.
I'll take any advice right now. I know we all are built different and have different tests from Allah. I'm sure a lot of you have gone through harder times. Thank you brothers and sisters