My transition from high school to university came with a host of unexpected challenges. Most notably, I felt genuinely unable to complete assignments for the first time in my life - I'd sailed through HS with 90s.
The requirement to study, to read, and to independently engage with content was dreadful. Id read a page of a book but be so mentally distracted that Id get to the bottom of the page and realize I was thinking about other things the entire time. Rinse and repeat, enter frustration and a shattered confidence.
Then came my focus strategies...which soon layered on top of one another into what became a ridiculous pile.
First, ill make tea. That'll help me stay seated and focused....hmm not enough. Let's add in classical instrumental music, that'll help me stay focused... not enough. How about incense? That ought to put me in a studying mindset.
All of a sudden I had tea, music, and incense in my room every day for hours.
I was never diagnosed. Against the odds, I ended up completing my undergrad without even a thought about ADHD.
In my mid-20s, I was \*quickly\* diagnosed, and the hindsight kicked in. All those strategies, all those hard readings (the content was fine - I just couldnt pay attention)... it all added up.
My physician chuckled when I told her that I kept falling asleep in movie theaters when I disengage with the film for even a minute. Id come back to it after day dreaming and then grow bored, tired, and nod off.
Its all so obvious in hindsight.
My diagnosis isn't a crutch, and I dont like using it as an excuse, either. It simply acknowledges the lense through which I live and view the world.
I mourn my 'what could have been' academics, but in a way Im proud for marching through the way that I did.
How has hindsight affected the way you view your younger days?