Started drifting into tense sleep, I could feel my jaw was clenched, and something in me didn’t feel quite right. I began missing the innocent love I used to be able to give. I began to miss who I thought she was. It all started to hit me at once: remembering her defending the openly contemptuous behavior her guy friends showed me but lecturing me for returning the derision. Remembering how she tells me she cares about my well-being, but keeps me in emotional limbo with vague promises and unclear commitments, refusing to give timeframes. It’s clear that the only thing you care about is your own power and comfort. I have no say, no voice, but I’m screaming, and I’m pissed.
I’m so furious, I want nothing more than to verbally lash out. It would bring me great satisfaction, but it would quickly leave me hollow. I won’t let rage dictate my actions, I know this is fleeting, and I’m probably going to wake up tomorrow to a more melancholic yearning. I just wish I could get back to sleep… I’m so cooked 💀