I (25 female) broke up with my abusive ex boyfriend just before my 23rd birthday. The day after i officially dumped him, i received a text from him begging me to come back. He said that he went to my aunt and uncles house, told them what happened, and that they agreed i needed to stay and give him another chance.
I have always been super close with my uncle (related by blood) and his wife (my aunt) as well as my little cousins. My ex and i would go up there a lot throughout our relationship and they grew to love him. I will spare you details, but he was a narcissist and incredibly good at making people like him, so i don’t blame my aunt and uncle for saying i should give him another chance. I told them the truth of what was happening to me the entire 7 years we were together, combined with video evidence.
My uncle is INCREDIBLY family oriented, to an unhealthy level. He believes you should NEVER abandon family by any means, and according to him, my ex was family. He had been around for 7 years, my cousins called him “uncle ___” and my grandma who is now gone met him and loved him. The abuse and the way he treated me just didn’t matter. I made one attempt to see them after the breakup because there was a parade happening in their town and thy acted so weird to me the whole time. What hurt the most was when my little cousin said “yeah i heard you went crazy… please never go crazy like that again! It’s so scary!” When all i had ever done was leave a bad situation. My ex painted this horrible photo of me to my family and they believed him.
The craziest part is… MY EX DIDN’T EVEN LIKE THEM! I had to BEG my ex to go hang out with my family every time they asked us to come over. My ex would talk so bad about them (because they were very redneck) and said he hated going over there. My ex and i have been no contact for nearly 3 years and i know from other family that he’s been over to see my uncle 2 times…. and my uncle says he’s “still a part of the family.”
I moved recently to another state, and before i moved i texted my uncle to see if he’d be willing to talk things out before i did and he ignored me. A few days ago i went him Willing and Able by Noah Kahan (A great song about hashing it out with family) and he read it and ignored me. I’m just at a loss. Is it worth it to keep trying? It absolutely KILLS me that my little cousins who i helped babysit and take care of and watched grow up think that i’m crazy and insane and that i’ve just abandoned my family.
Any tips on how to work something like this out? it’s been years since i’ve seen them and i don’t want to lose them forever.