I don’t know if I’m being over dramatic because I’m pregnant but I’m so upset. It’s my birthday and all I wanted was to go to the fine arts museum and look at the paintings together.
I didn’t want to go to my step daughter’s dumb D.A.R.E graduation. I didn’t want to wake up at 6 am to drive almost two hours to some ridiculous graduation. But it had to fall on my birthday and she “invited” us to it, I guess. Of course she was happy we came. We were the only ones of her family to come. Of course I’m glad to make her happy and I k ow it made my husband feel like a good dad.
I didn’t want to go but I was okay with it because she’s a child and I love her.
I planned my whole birthday around accommodating his kids.
Woke up at 7am, drove two hours to her dumb DARE graduation (not a real graduation just a little “drugs are bad” program congratulations), spent an hour wrangling our 2 year old during this ceremony - walking her around, carrying her, keeping her calm. Finally at the very end he takes her. I’m sweaty and light headed because I hadn’t eaten since there wasn’t enough time before leaving. We check her out of school and bring her with us to breakfast. That was fine. Though our 2yo is fussing the whole time and I’m the one keeping her quiet then feeding her. He’s on his phone or uninvolved, not even really talking to any of us. It’s me and the older girl talking to each other. I stay positive because I want to have a good time.
I don’t want to spend my birthday with all of his kids but it falls on our weekend so it is what it is. We go and pick the rest of them up. Drive an hour to the city and drop them off with their great grandma (GG) which is nerve racking to leave them with her. It’s 4 kids. Three of whom are either a toddler or have the mentality of a toddler (special needs 8 yo). And GG is old and unstable but he says it’ll be fine. Okay it’s only for 2 maybe 3 hours while we go to the art museum.
He’s in a pissed off mood and says he’s sooooo tired the second we leave GG’s house. Of course he is. He hasn’t smoked weed since we left at 7 am and it’s now 2 pm. He didn’t bring any. Well fuck okay let’s go get him a third redbull of the day to perk him up. Whig I’m not happy about because I’m worried for his health but fine. He gets a whiteclaw to go with it. Whatever okay as long as it puts him in a better mood. We only have 3 hours until the museum closes. It takes us 40 min to finally get out of the car at the museum. Obviously I know he shouldn’t chug the tall boy whiteclaw or it’ll upset his stomach. But he’s on his phone while he drinks it while I sit and wait. Counting down the minutes I’m loosing. We get inside and beeline it to the exhibit I want to see. We only have 2 hours at this point.
Ancient Roman statues first. He’s buzzed and is too loudly joking about the statues penises. I find it embarrassing but don’t say anything because I’m trying to be positive thinking to myself, “well yeah he’s a little buzzed and feeling silly don’t be a buzzkill just enjoy his good mood, ignore it he’ll get over it if I don’t respond to his penis comments” I’d prefer to have real conversations about the art and not so unserious but at least he’s here with me doing this thing that’s probably boring to him.
Then we wonder into another section. He’s making a comment on it and points at something, too close and sets off the alarm. Swears it’s from a girl walking through the doors. I say “no you tripped the sensor” and says no and goes to prove his point and sets off the alarm again. I tell him “Stop! You’re going to get us kicked out!” He’s laughing and not taking it seriously. It’s embarrassing. The alarm is really loud. I think he does it a third time and an employee tells us it won’t stop going off until we back away from it. I apologize and say thanks for telling us. We back away. Then he puts his face up really close and his hand again to prove a point? Point something out about his original comment. I say kind of loudly and sternly “Back up, you’re going to set it off AGAIN” like I’m scolding our 2 yo. At this point I’m really embarrassed and upset. We’ve only been inside for maybe 30 minutes.
Now he’s upset, subtly. Arms crossed, not standing next to me. Moves on to other exhibits without me. So we go to the exhibit I specifically came to see.
The European paintings. I’ve been wanting to go see them for a couple months now. He’s walking ahead of me, going from painting to painting quickly. I wanted to look together so we could discuss the meaning of the art or our interpretations. I try to call him over to a few and talk about them but he barely responds. Or just seems uninterested in what I’m saying. So now I’m fully upset. We’re in totally separate areas, rooms apart.
I’m trying not to cry. Just thinking “if you could just be in a good mood without weed, be in a good mood sober this wouldn’t be an issue” because obviously his behavior is in part due to being in withdraws from weed and in part due to being slightly buzzed. I planned this whole day around HIS kids because after this we planned to take them to a park then out to dinner (which isn’t freaking cheap okay. The breakfast of four was $70 so a dinner of 6 come on) the caveat was that through all of this we’d look at art together for MY BIRTHDAY and the rest of the day would be for the kids.
I can’t focus on the paintings because I’m too focused on how he’s acting. How I wanted to look at stuff together and be in a good mood together. So I just say fuck it I’m done. I go find him, go up to him and tell him I’m leaving, that I’m upset and don’t want to be here anymore. He acts like he doesn’t know why. But he doesn’t walk next to me back to the car and doesn’t try to get me to talk about it until we get in the car and I tell him I’m upset with him. He makes a remark similar to “whatever” and we drive back to GG’s. We were in the museum for maybe 1 hour because in total we were gone for 2 hours since we’d dropped the kids off. 20 min car ride both ways but the 20 it took to get him his drinks so yeah, 1 hour in the museum.
I wanted to talk about it but I knew I’d cry and he wouldn’t apologize. So we ride in silence. I want to go straight home but I also don’t want to then have to cook dinner for everyone and have to entertain his oldest at home while he’s spends the rest of the evening smoking on the porch. Which mind you I can’t be around because pregnant also the smell makes me gag.
So I still take everyone to the park and I play with his kids for an hour or so more. At the beginning he tried to ditch me to take his special needs kid on a solo walk while I watch the 2 yo, 4 yo and 10 yo alone on the playground. I say no! I’m trying to find a place to go eat so you stay here and watch YOUR KIDS.
We go to eat at a shitty buffet but it’s fine because it’s the cheapest option and there’s bound to be something for each of them.
I’ve got the 2 yo on my fucking shoulders while helping the 10 and 8 yo get their food and he only has the 4 yo boy. Asks me “what should I do?!” Are you fucking kidding me. Do whatever the fuck you want at this point I don’t even want to look at you. I don’t say tht. I do get an attitude and say “I don’t know” so he says “I’ll get 2 yo and 4 yo’s food”. Fine. That’s helpful enough.
But he fills their plates with nasty shit they won’t eat!!!! Whole shrimp with the heads still on? Sushi? 4 different types of noodles like Mac n cheese AND pasta salad and chow mein and rice noodles, and broccoli salad?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
Our 2 yo doesn’t eat any of it and instead grabs most of the food off of my plate and eats it. I did specifically put items on my plate for her since he didn’t get stuff she’d actually eat.
I’m just so upset and hurt and pissed off about the whole day. Thank god he hasn’t made any birthday sex comments or I’d probably have a complete meltdown shit fit.
Anyways. My birthday sucked. What a way to say goodbye to my 20’s. I know I shouldn’t care so much and I tried not to I fell like. I mean I planned so much of it for the kids right? I’m just laying here crying now wishing I’d been a selfish bitch and demanded he picked his kids up tomorrow instead. But because of this stupid DARE graduation he probably wouldn’t have. It’s so dumb. Not like he’s EVER gone to any of their school things in five years but the one happening on my birthday is the one he decides to start being a present father for.