I’m trying to figure out if my marriage is fixable or if I’m ignoring serious red flags.
We’ve been married for about 3 years. On the surface, things are stable - we’re financially okay (he earns more), we have a dog together, and he does help with household chores when I ask.
But there are things that are really bothering me:
- When he gets angry, he calls me names like “bitch” or “whore”
- He rarely admits when he’s wrong and tends to lie or deflect blame
- He always finds excuses instead of taking responsibility
- He has looked at and possibly fantasized about someone we both know, which feels very disrespectful
- He tends to look for loopholes instead of actually changing behavior
- Before marriage, he slapped me once (police were involved), and during the marriage he has raised his hand in a threatening way during arguments
I feel confused because it’s not bad 100% of the time, and there are stable aspects of our life. But these issues keep coming up, and I don’t feel respected or emotionally safe.
Is this something that can realistically be worked through, or are these signs that it’s not fixable?
I’d appreciate honest perspectives.