u/Bulky_Fix_5381

I started drinking at 15 and right away knew I had a problem. I knew this but it still feels like it snuck up on me. I was stealing alcohol right away and getting drunk whenever I could. It stayed like that and then I came of age and bought a bottle right away and I remember sitting in the dark in the morning drinking it out of a teacup. That was over a year ago now. It obviously kept escalating over that time but it hasn’t been until these past few months where I’ve been like fuck what am I doing. It’s every single day, sometimes at work. At least half a bottle of vodka but usually more. I’m stress ordering wine when the liquor store is closed because I get scared I will run out (I don’t like wine). Even this morning I fought with myself a bit but I’m drinking. I think I’m getting withdrawals too now, I keep saying I’m not because it’s to early but for example yesterday I woke up drunk and went to work. I sobered up and then a bit later I was getting super shaky and some chest pain. Then I had a racing heart. I haven’t had a drink at work in a bit but I almost did because well I thought it would stop it. I didn’t and made it through but drank when I got home. I know I need to stop but I can’t get myself too. I can’t get myself to aa or tell anyone. Maybe they know I dokt know.