I am part of the "Over 60" generation.
My only sibling died unexpectedly almost a year ago and it was the end of my immediate family. We were very close and the loss is immense.
When my sibling died, my DH was out of state visiting his adult daughter and grandkids. (FWIW, my DH and I have been together more than 20 years. I met him several years after his divorce. He has one daughter now in her 30s.)
I knew this was a special time for my DH and his daughter/grandkids to be together so I told him to stay for the rest of his visit there and fly home a couple of days later as scheduled. Since he sees them so infrequently I didn't want him to miss a moment with them - especially since time is so precious and we are getting older (in our 60s). Plus, practically speaking, there wasn't anything he could do as arrangements had already been made.
Recently, my DH came to me and said he is planning to visit his daughter/grandkids again. He spoke with her and the two of them decided a timeframe for his visit which is best for her. It will be during the anniversary date of my sibling's death.
My DH knows I will be at home alone and completely ignored any mention of this when he excitedly told me his plans to visit his daughter. He acted like the anniversary wasn't even on his radar but I know he knows. I am quite certain when his daughter decided this timeframe, he did not want to tell her that would be a problem because she can be mercurial.
I was a bit stunned but said nothing. My DH is conflict avoidant, cannot experience high emotions, and walks away when confronted. Over the decades, I have learned to mimic this behavior - which I know is unhealthy.
Thankfully, I have a very close friend (who knew my sibling) who will come and stay with me while my DH is gone. I haven't even bothered to tell my DH my friend is coming. Partly because I think it will be an "easy out" for him to finally acknowledge the death anniversary and be off the hook for leaving me alone and feeling like he is choosing his daughter/grandkids over me. Which he is, I get it.
I don't know - but I do know that grief changes people immensely. I am not the same person I was before this last loss. I know that my sibling was the last person on earth who loved me "unconditionally" and my DH's actions have only put a point on that fact.
Death makes you see things through a lens of clarity once the rose-colored glasses come off.
Not really looking for advice. Just expressing thoughts...