This is very embarrassing to say and I can't talk to anyone about this offline so I would like to get advice here. My sister and I are both in our 30s and she is older than me. She has always been aggressive and I'm thinking maybe she is bipolar but she was never diagnosed. She gets very easily triggered so I have to walk on eggshells around her.
I did try to avoid talking to her for almost a year and it was fairly easy to do because I live in a different country now. But long story short...I'm visiting my home country right now, and although it is not my preferred choice, I ended up having to stay in my mom's house where my sister is temporarily living in.
While talking to my mom today, my sister overheard something that triggered her. It's still confusing to me what exactly that might have been. And she stumped towards me and began to try to punch and attack me physically as I was sitting in the kitchen chair talking to my mom. It was so sudden but my mom got in between to try to stop her and so she hit my mom several times which breaks my heart. But when I tried to protect my mom, my mom got upset saying I always try to protect her and she asked me, "Who are you to even protect me. I don't want it." I asked her later why she would let my sister do that and still take her side and my mom said she was never hit by my sister and that I am making things up and that I am a liar. My sister also has the tendency to film me or take pictures of me when we argue. I don't know what she does with the photos and videos but I find it very strange and uncomfrotable. In our 20s, she used to even FaceTime her friends in the middle of arguments and show me to them while I was in my PJs at home... does this happen to anyone else?
I feel like I am going a little crazy here, and I do wonder if I am the problem. Maybe everything would have been fine if I just didn't come to visit. I have almost 10 days left here until my return flight and I feel hopeless and depressed. Also, at the end of the day, when I am alone in my thoughts, I blame myself a lot. Should I be just cutting off my entire family from my life? I love my mom very very very much and I miss her all the time because I live very far away from her. But I also know she will always tell me I am the younger one so I need to be respectful and obedient to my older sister. She sometimes even asks me to apologize to my sister after I get hit. And it's really hard for me to deal with all the physical and verbal abuse I've been dealing with my entire life. I do crave a good older and younger sister relationship with my sister. As a kid, I thought maybe she and I would be best friends as adults. But the abuse is only getting worse now that we are older...I would love any advice for my situation.