AITA for finding it strange that my step son wants my parents (his grandparents) to be tight with his inlaws (his wife's parents)?
A little background - My husband and I have a blended family, we each have a 30 year old son, who've grown up together since they were about 10 years old. My husbands family are all in different locations, so we've spent most holidays with my family who are all in the same city. My family has always been very welcoming of my stepson, and treated him like a blood grandson/nephew.
After my stepson got married recently, he and his wife expressed that they want our families to be connected and have joint celebrations etc. Adorable. I agree it's tough to split time between families around holidays. However, my family is made up of my parents, their three kids, who are each grown with a spouse and two kids. So, when we get together, that's already 14 people. My parents often host and it's tight, but it works. None of the siblings families are included, except for the very odd time when a sibling hosts and invites family members to their home - of course, it's their home they can invite whoever they want.
I've casually said to my stepson and his wife, that if they want the two families to connect more, they can invite us over anytime. Thinking that if this is what they want, they are adults, they can facilitate it. Even organize a dinner out, it's their responsibility.
WELL, my parents just told me that my stepson reached out, to get my parents (his grandparents) together with his in-laws (his wife's parents). And they felt forced into hosting. My parents are so busy with friends and younger grandkids, this is not something they want to do, during their limited downtime. My parents have asked my husband and I to join, but I said we weren't invited. My mom said it'll be at our house, we're inviting you.
I don't understand why they want one set of parents to get together with a set of grandparents, without the other set of parents?
It's not like we don't get along with my stepson and his wife. My stepson worships his father (my husband), copies some of his style, and is constantly seeking his approval. I feel like we've always gotten along, the wife has been around since they were 16 and come on family vacations with us for over a decade. We've had two lovely dinners with them this month and saw them for mother's day. We bought a house that they've been living in for the past five years at a significantly reduced rent so they can save money, and we contributed significantly not only to their wedding, but to four events leading up to it (fully hosting three and doing all the food for the fourth). I know they are grateful, but they never show us gratitude, it's almost expected.
On mother's day, I wanted to see if this gathering would come up and it didn't, now I don't know what to do. I feel extremely used and shut out. I want to protect my parents as they also feel a little used. Will I be the asshole if I say something? Do we tell them we're going? Do we just show up without telling them? Lol