Hey everyone, I'm 23F don’t even know where to start, but I need to get this off my chest because it’s been building up inside me for a while.
I’m in a relationship with a guy for about a year and at first everything felt nice. He’s kind, respectful, and not a bad person at all. But over time, I started noticing something that I can’t ignore anymore.
I feel like I’m the only one putting real effort into this.
I’m naturally someone who gives a lot when I care about someone. I show affection, I check up on him, I try to make him feel comfortable, I adjust myself if something bothers him. And I don’t do it because I have to I do it because it comes from me naturally when I love someone.
But with him… it doesn’t feel the same.
He doesn’t really initiate. He doesn’t go out of his way to make me feel special. He treats me more like a good friend than someone he’s actually into. And what hurts the most is that I’ve already told him how I feel. I explained what I need, how I like to be treated, what matters to me.
Every time, he says things like “I’ll keep that in mind” or “I’ll try” or “I’m sorry.”
But nothing really changes.
For maybe a day or two, there’s a small effort… and then everything goes back to how it was.
And I’m honestly exhausted.
Because the more I explain, the more it feels like I’m forcing something that should come naturally. I don’t want to teach someone how to care about me. I don’t want to feel like I’m asking for basic attention or affection.
And I keep asking myself… if he really cared, wouldn’t he just do it?
I’ve also tried to make excuses for him. Maybe he’s inexperienced. Maybe he doesn’t know how to act. Maybe he’s just shy. But then I look at myself… and I’m not experienced either. I’m shy too. But when I care about someone, I find a way.
So what does that mean?
Lately, another thought has been bothering me, and I don’t know if I’m overthinking or finally seeing things clearly.
Sometimes it feels like he doesn’t actually love me… but just wants me.
Like he’s attracted to me, he likes having me around, maybe even the idea of me… but not me as a person, not my feelings, not my heart.
It’s like he wants access to me as to have me in bed, not to truly understand me.
And I hate even thinking that, but I can’t ignore how it feels.
Because if a man truly loves you, wouldn’t he naturally want to take care of your feelings? Wouldn’t he show it without needing to be reminded over and over?
I don’t want to believe that I’m just someone he desires without real emotional depth behind it… but the way he acts is starting to make me question everything.
And that’s the hardest part.
Because I really care about him. But at the same time, I’m starting to feel like I’m losing my energy, my patience, and even a part of myself trying to make this work.
I don’t want to lower my standards.
I don’t want to beg for effort.
And I don’t want to stay in something that makes me feel this way.
But I also don’t know if I’m being too harsh or expecting too much.
I'm open to all kinds of advices and opinions.
Thank you ❤