(Just a throw away account 19f) this may be long, boring or just not it too read so don't bother if you dont wanna I don't know but I just need to say what had been in my head for so long the things I have kept to myself for years.
I have struggled alot, i started self harm at 14 and still continue to do so, not as much but still do it when things get rough, when my parents first found out they did nothing for me, they chucked me in therapy for alittle and that's it, never checked on me again, never asked, never offered help just assumed I was better but I'm not, even when I struggled with eating I had no help, from no one and I just feel like nobody cares about me to that level, when I was depressed and didn't do anything for days they just made fun of me, when I cried from anxiety I was seen as weak, and to vulnerable. I want help so bad but I can never seem to reach out, I don't want to be seen as weak as I grew up to not speak about feelings and just to suck it up and my parents always said that stupid line (stop crying or I'll give you a reason to cry about) which made me stop showing emotions as much as I could, which made everything just bottle up and exhausted myself to a point when I tried to kill myself, though nobody found out about it since I pussied out after taking quite a few pills which also makes me feel invalid for it, since "I bearly tried".
Then there's my first boyfriend, I think I was SA'ed but I don't know since all he did was touch me sexually, and when I said no he didn't or he stopped for alittle then kept touching me not long after knowing I hated it, is that really SA or is that just normal in a relationship?.
How do I get help? It seems horrible. I can't speak to people about this stuff every time I do, I just laugh it off, change the subject, or make them speak about then self's. I don't know what to do since i still deal with my eating and SH, I know it's a lot so sorry.