I (29F) quit the clinic, family business on April 22nd and it's been an emotional roller coaster. To give context I am the eldest daughter to an immigrant single mother. Very classic, parentified, type A, over achieving kid who just had to stay out of the way and be "good" to have a semblance of safety. Me and my mother have not has the best relationship, If I could summarize it, our relationship lacks emotional depth. As long as I hold the family dynamic together and keep complaints to myself, we are fine. She has caused emotional turmoil for me and my brother in the past. Major pivotal moments of adulthood like college, romantic relationships, moving out, career advancements were met with resistance by her. She felt less needed and a loss of control. In the midst of that she had 4 terrible marriages, health issues, and needed a lot of support for her career advancements......so we are all she has.
When she first started this business it was 1 year after kicking me out (because my aunt told her I was saving up to do so). We went no contact and started to repair, at least I thought so. I somehow got roped into working there, just Mondays giving shots. I did it because I wanted to see her, to have a relationship. I was maintaining my personal life, enjoying living alone in the city, traveling, pouring into my art, I was relatively happy. There were promises of me co owning with her or branching out into my own thing. But I noticed triangulation formed between me and my brother and the business becoming a container for enmeshment. I started to feel unsure about the dynamic and the future.
The goals of the clinic kept shifting, I felt at times not included in the communication. By the end of it, my roles shifted. I functioned as a nurse, secretary, and personal assistant. I worked 2 jobs, at the clinic and the hospital, for 3 years, pouring my time into both. Part of the reason I believe I got way to involved was due to her cancer diagnosis 2023. She purposely scheduled her chemo appts on Mondays. She had me work and hold down the fort and that was a hard year for our family and we really thought she was going to die. She only let her husband take care of her, and he would isolate her from us.
When she went into remission, I tried to encourage family time and connecting but she dove into the clinic even more. She started taking a lot of contracts. working monday-saturday, 10-13 hours days. At this point I was working 3 days at the clinic and 2-3 hospital shifts. I felt purposefully retaliated against because I was not willing to bring work home with me, to work longer hours, to pick up work phone calls.
In March we hit a breaking point. I started a yoga teacher program, because it's a dream of mine to host retreats. She said she was supportive but continued to add more and more to my plate. My brother was becoming more codependent in his relationship and I felt unsupported by him. She then without any support staff (just me, her and my bro work there) or consulting me, moved into a 9 clinic space. The move was a HOT MESS, I was burnt out to say the least. I was managing the accounting, the decorating, the patient care, the front desk, her emotions. I felt under valued and my suspicions were confirmed when I snapped and told them that I don't feel they ever check in on me, or believe me when I say I'm not doing okay. That I feel like my attempts to improve the clinic or family are seen as a problem, like I'm being judgmental when I really just care and want things to be better.
This resulted in a triggered conversation where she told me I don't care about the clinic, I don't do anything for the clinic, that my brother does more, that I'm the problem, that she is tired of working with me, and that I'm not the daughter she deserves. So I quit, and now it's resulted in guilt tripping about how I left and about my anger in that moment. My mother has been sending me emotionally charged messages, my brother hasn't check in on me once.
I had my yoga grad on Sunday and it just made me sad. I tried to signal that I do still want to be in the family I just don't want to work together. I invited them to a grad brunch and my brother showed up.... I guess I don't know what I need by posting this. I just want to feel less alone, less crazy, while I navigate all this. One minute im a good person and they love me, the next I'm selfish and terrible. It makes me feel like I'm never good enough and the guilt/shame is so heavy that I don't know what to do with my time/life when I step back.
I have a father who abandoned me, an emotionally distant mother, and enmeshed whipped brother. I think the part that hurts the most is I thought me and my bro were besties and had each others back. I feel so alone.
TL;DR: I (29F) quit working at my mom’s clinic (family business) after 3 years of burnout and emotional strain. I grew up parentified with an emotionally distant mom and enmeshed family dynamics. I was promised a bigger role in the business, but ended up juggling nurse duties, admin work, and emotional labor, especially during my mom’s cancer. When I tried to set boundaries and pursue my own dreams (yoga), tensions boiled over, and she told me I’m the problem and not the daughter she deserves. I quit, now facing guilt-tripping and emotional manipulation, while my brother hasn’t checked in. Feeling alone, invalidated, and unsure how to navigate family while pursuing my own life.