My partner Steve hasn’t spoken to his mom in about a year due to her pattern of manipulation and emotional abuse. Last weekend she pressured his younger brother Kyle (18) to come visit, and when he got there she broke down — screaming, crying, holding a knife to her own throat, telling him to take care of the pet when she’s gone. Kyle said it was the worst he’s ever seen her. He woke up vomiting the next day and couldn’t even drive back to school.
Steve’s reasoning for no contact is that responding to these episodes just reinforces the behavior. I understand that logically but I’m terrified that if something actually happens it will devastate him — he’s extremely empathetic and would blame himself forever.
I’m struggling with intense anxiety and rage watching this affect my partner and his brother. I feel like I’m bracing for an impact Steve won’t let himself see coming. He shrugs it off and I’m the one losing sleep.
Has anyone navigated this — loving someone who’s detached from a parent like this while you’re the one absorbing all the fear and anger? How do you cope without a therapist? I’d also like to note that I think he is severely affected by this going on. Just disassociating.