I (33/F) had multiple orgasms while being raped, and I feel so ashamed and embarrassed
For more context I have been really struggling with my mental health (before this event happened). I have been dealing with bullying at work and grieving the loss of a close family member, while also seeing another decline with their health. This has caused me to barely want to leave the house and just stay home and cry. I am engaged and my partner (34/M) and I have been together for 15 years. He has been super supportive and helped me so much while I have been feeling depressed and struggling with my mental health. We haven’t been interment with each other for over 12 months because of how I’m feeling.
The other day I felt like I should try and leave the house and do something to try and encourage myself to feel better and create positive thoughts in my mind. I went for a jog in the park along the creek near my house. It was actually really enjoyable and I was feeling like I was thinking positive and enjoying my time. But that soon changed! When I was almost back to the start of my jog, I saw this man he was probably in his 50s. He looked distressed and I stopped to ask him what’s wrong. He said he had lost his dog. I’m a big dog lover and this made me upset. So I agreed to help him look for his dog. We went down lower where the creek was and this is also out of site of the main path. We got to this concrete section that’s basically completely closed off from everything. I don’t know exactly what happened next. But I think I was tripped over by this man and I fell and hit my head. I then remember he violently used some sharp object to cut through my tights and then ripped them off. At this point im not sure if it was because I had hit my head or from fear but I could not talk scream or move. I just layed there. I was penetrated in my vagina by his penis multiple times and I am so ashamed but I did have multiple orgasms I know my attacker knew this because he kept saying stop creaming on my dick and stop enjoying this. He also penetrated me from behind multiple times and that’s when I started to cry as I have never been penetrated in my bum before. This attack lasted for over 30mins and when he left and I finally built the courage to try and get up and leave. I realised that he had cut my top and my tights and my underwear and bra I think he had taken. so I tried to use the broken top top to wrap around my waist and then wrap my ripped tights around my boobs. I think I made it back home without anyone seeing me. I had a shower for basically the rest of the day and just cried. I’m not on birth control and also concerned I could get pregnant. I have not told anyone even my partner. I feel like such a slut that I didn’t fight him off and instead just kept having orgasm after orgasm.