So me (slightly more anxious) and my partner (slightly more avoidant) have been on a rollercoaster for some years.
Last months she was not really giving me what I needed to hear, to know there was a future, so I was honest and said I'm creating distance because of fighting.
So over a month ago I ended it, not on good or bad terms, I just said I can't take it anymore and asked her to leave, and just said bye whilst she kinda waited for me in the door to stop her.
I've just focused on myself really, plenty of things to do at home and work. Interesting thing is she didn't delete me on any SoMe, even with no contact. It's interesting because she always said we'd have 0 contact and 0 friendship if we're ever over whatsoever.
Even more interesting, and somewhat flattering, is the fact that in her years with she never posted anything, maybe like a story a year, while I regularly posted stuff.
After I started posting, she suddenly started posting too. Nothing triggering, more mirroring my posts like 'im also doing okay'.
I've lived through quite some relationships and worked on myself in therapy for years, so I kinda know the patterns, even though she's s tricky one.
This is probably just more a rant than seeking advice I guess. I've kinda said to her a long that exactly what I'm missing (hearing I'm needed and not waiting for nothing) so if she really wanted to, she would reach out.
Probably more curious about the not deleting and posting stuff, but I'm just keeping up the no contact.
I'm her 2nd intimate partner in her life, and she has about 0 friends or family within an hour drive, and she works in the military requiring almost an avoidantmask at work, which i can understand is difficult to take off at home again.
I'm kinda keen to give her a call and ask how she's viewing things. Because I feel it could be easier just delete her everything if she rejects me. I don't really wanna give her the power of waiting days to answer a message, or give away my power of no contact at all really. As it's the first time I don't come crawling back after 1-10 days. Now 30
Biggest problem keeping me here is really the intimacy, her profession and hobbies we do together, but mostly the fact that I've seen her in a vulnerable state and situations, so I know the potential she sometimes shows, it's just hidden behind a big wall. And me being kind of FA too, at least more before, hasn't really opened her up.
TLDR: me FA broke off with FA and keeping no contact 4+ weeks now. She never posted anything for years with me even though I wanted, but she said she never used SoMe. Now posting random things showing she's alive. Not deleting me anywhere even though she said she would if we broke up etc. I broke up because I didn't get the emotional closeness I needed. Usually I always regretted breaking up or came running back, except this time.