I’m 26F and still living with my parents. It’s mostly okay because I don’t see them much but when they decide to talk to me it’s always something that kicks me down (sometimes for weeks at a time). There’s so much to unpack as with many parents but I want to be specific about one topic.
My parents are from a very traditional European country and have certain expectations of me as a woman. The main topic this time, was me marrying someone from our culture and giving them grandchildren. The thing is, I have no intentions of having children any time soon and I wouldn’t be comfortable enough to even introduce a partner to them let alone my children. They are well aware of this.
Now the same argument always comes up, which is that I missed my chance to get married and that apparently I’ve always been a zero and low human being. This all stemming from the fact that, my parents tried to introduce me to a family friend’s son when I was 17 and he was 30 and I turned it down.
It’s been years since then but my dad hasn’t let it go and constantly wants to remind me that I lost the best chance of my life. I never even met the man, only his sister and immediately turned it down because no one even discussed it with me. One day, I was meeting a family friend who was supposed to give me advice on uni as she’d done the same degree and the next this whole thing had been planned behind my back.
I wish to this day that I could truly accept my culture and understand my parents because I’m open minded enough to at least respect most things but it’s the fact that all my parents have done is made it absolutely impossible for me to ever feel safe with them.
I know moving out is the ultimate goal here, but I just need advice on how to go about not letting this affect me on the degree it does. This just seems to be the one issue that I can’t get past now especially when I do actually enter romantic relationships. I’ve processed so much abuse during my childhood but I just stay stuck on this issue that this is not just a conversation or a disagreement because it comes with so much shame, “dishonour” and I feel so betrayed by my parents.