u/Bright_Net6515

I honestly don’t even know why I’ve been thinking and kinda fantasizing about doing it. Like I’m not depressed or have any mental problems and I’m definitely not suicidal (to my understanding atleast) but I’ll always find myself thinking about it randomly on some days. For example I’ll be scrolling twitter and I’ll see a what I find to be a fairly attractive person but I’ll see they have their cut scars and I don’t know I just find it to be somewhat attractive which leaves me to be curious about what it would look like on me. Well today I was in a call with some friends late night and my friend joked that I should just kill myself (again I’m not suicidal I would never do it) and so I guess you could say the curiosity got the cat. I grabbed a nearby knife and just started running it along my skin just to get familiar with this new feeling and ignoring how wrong it felt until I just didn’t care about it anymore. While I was actively talking to my friends I then started running the sharp end up and down my skin on my leg and just started going to town I guess lol. Mind you this blade was pretty dull and I kind of annoyed me how it wasn’t cutting as good as I imagined but eventually I got the job done. I was kinda surprised at how easy it was to do it and I wasn’t really all bothered while I was doing the cutting tbh and probably will try again. Again I don’t know why I’ve been thinking like this even though I’m not suicidal and my life is going pretty decently well actually idk mb for ranting.