Hi all I just need to vent.
I don’t even really know where to start, but I’ve been in a relationship with a man for over a year and a half and I feel so stuck. We’re currently engaged and I am currently packing up the last of my belongings in my rented apartment to finalize moving in with him. It’s not like I haven’t seen red flags in the past, but we’ve been going to therapy and he’s been managing his drinking and stopped vaping, and thus, I saw improvements in his behavior that I was very optimistic about. However, in the past week or so, while we were on vacation together, his abusive behaviors came right back (as did an increase in drinking and he started vaping heavily again—I think due to the stress of a child custody issue with his former wife).
In the past week, I’ve dealt with absolute meltdowns from him that included screaming at me and endless hours of silent treatment over the smallest things (such as innocently moving his stuff to a different room, thinking he would appreciate me cleaning up after him) and another time asking if he needed space because he seemed to be in a bad mood. When he gets like this, he becomes totally destructive, saying the meanest things that come out of left field and he always ends the relationship and blocks me.
I’m just so utterly exhausted because I thought these behaviors were getting better thanks to therapy, not to mention I just do not deserve the constant barrage of anger and punishments I receive when he gets like this. I’m literally packing my stuff up to move in with him so I’m kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place not even knowing if we’re still together and I only have a few more days to get my stuff packed with nowhere to go if he’s truly broken up with me this time. There’s really no other point of this post than to just get this off my chest. I can’t really talk to anyone about it because everyone thinks we’re so happy since we just got engaged and it’s utterly embarrassing to even utter the words “my fiance blocked me” 🥲 thank you for reading if you got this far.