My mother has a genetic bone condition that she passed down to myself (28F) and my brother. Even though she stayed married to my father, my mother was the only one ever bringing us to all the hospital appointments required for our condition when I was growing up.
Although my mother and I have milder versions of this condition so that it doesn't affect our daily lives, my brother had to be hospitalized or recovering from surgery for most of his life up til the age of 17.
I remember when I was 12, I was with my brother, mother, and my mother's friends (a married couple with a young daughter with the same bone condition as us).
My mother's friends (the married couple) were telling their daughter to have an abortion if she ever became pregnant with a baby with the same condition. My mother had been in agreement.
At the time, I was devastated and took this offensively because I felt like my mother was saying that my brother and I are burdens and that she regrets having us.
But my mother has continued to express that although it's my choice, she thinks that having children is difficult and that she thinks Id have a hard life if I had one in general. I didn't really understand before but I do now.
Now I work in a children's hospital and my role involves supporting parents of children that are physically or mentally unwell. I see so many exhausted parents grieving and upset because their children are unexpectedly diagnosed with chronic illness. Many openly are angry about not being able to keep their children in the hospital for as long as possible because they dont want to bring their children home (because they have autism or ADHD, are aggressive, self harm, etc.).
I have seen that while most couples planning to have children hope that theirs will be healthy, happy, and make them feel fulfilled, there are many families in which this ends up not being the case. Even the healthiest and happiest children can be so much work (there many posts on the reddit threat "regretful parents" leaves me no doubts on that).
I now believe that the only couples that should have children are those that have done much introspection. They should be reasonably confident that they have the supports, resources, and mental capacity to cope if theyre children end up not being what they had hoped.
Maybe then Id be having to call Child and Family services less often because there are so many parents wanting to give up care of their child and refusing to take their kids home because theyre tired of being a parent.
I'm grateful to my mother for allowing me to feel I can choose to be child free without any guilt. For not placing any societal expectations on me and for not asking for grandchildren. Because I believe it's ok to not be meant to be a parent and it's important to give space for others to let themselves be child free as well.
There are too many people questioning why someone would want to be childfree. There should be more people asking couples who want to have kids if theyre *sure* they want and are able to handle such a lifelong commitment.