I’ve been reflecting on my journey from BMT to found term. And I realised I’m really not fit to be a commander and being sent to infantry makes it even worse because I’ll most likely have men under me be it as a BMT trainer or in unit and I really don’t want them to suffer. How can I OOC from pro term if I have no underlying physical or mental problems and what happens during and after I OOC?
I really feel sad, when my name was being called out it didn’t felt as bad as to what I’m feeling right now because it’s actually real now. I shed a tear or 2 about it, I really wanted to go back to armour because of the opportunities to go countries like Germany and Australia. I felt betrayed because why wouldn’t armour take me back seeing all my bmt mates all get send to armour while I’m alone stuck in infantry got me feeling so fucked up. I’m not even meant to be a Seargent anyways, I’ve always aiming to survive and that’s how I got through BMT and FT and to be frank idek how to navigate in the jungle with my compass and map i just anyhow anyhow pass with the help of a few kind trainers and relying on the people around me.
Im actually feeling depressed….