u/Breackthebad

First of all, sorry if my English sounds a bit awkward. I have a decent level, but I used AI to help make the text as understandable as possible.

I’ve always had cats since childhood. My parents had a very “let them do their thing” philosophy: the cats mostly lived outside, didn’t sleep in bedrooms, weren’t allowed on tables, etc. I’ve always been EXTREMELY obsessed with cats though. I literally can’t walk past a cat in the street without petting it, and my cats basically have (almost) every right imaginable.

I’ve had two cats since living on my own. My first one was an unneutered male, very much the explorer type, and he unfortunately died after being hit by a car, which honestly traumatized me. I was already uncomfortable letting him outside, but he constantly wanted to go out and my apartment was surrounded by a small park.

My current cat, who’s a neutered male, is genuinely the best cat I’ve ever seen in my life. Like, he has absolutely no flaws. Way too cute, sociable, clean, extremely affectionate, never scratches , honestly the most lovable cat in the world (even though I named him Anakin, oops).

Anakin is three years old and spent two years living alone with me in my apartment. At first, I wasn’t planning to let him outside because of what happened with Aznavour (my previous cat), but eventually I started letting him into the outdoor courtyard, always under supervision. I quickly noticed that because he’s neutered, he never really went far away and literally NEVER left the small garden of my residence.

But here’s the problem (sorry for the long setup). About a year and a half ago, I had to move back in with my family for personal reasons. My family has two cats (an insufferable Maine Coon and a regular scat) that mine quickly bonded with. The issue is that this house opens directly onto the street, with cars constantly passing by, and it’s also located at the bottom of a very steep slope. Since I wasn’t comfortable with that, I first decided not to let him outside.

The problem is that the two other cats go outside freely, and my cat obviously notices it. Sometimes he meows at the door when he’s home alone while his two buddies are outside. Naturally, I feel extremely guilty about it, so I eventually decided to let him out sometimes — but never for too long and always while keeping an eye on him.

Except one time he got out while I wasn’t home and disappeared for FIVE DAYS. Like, this cat who had basically never spent a night outside my bedroom suddenly had to survive five damn nights in the street with city noise and everything. On top of that, I found him about 500 meters away from home. Genuinely the biggest scare of my life.

Obviously, I stopped letting him outside after that because I was terrified it would happen again. But unfortunately, it happened several more times because someone accidentally let him out (and genuinely, not to sound like the perfect guy, but it was never me). I had to go find him two or three times pretty far away from the house, in places where the other two cats never go because they stay in the courtyard on the other side of the road. (It’s hard to explain, but imagine a street with houses on the left side and huge medieval walls plus a long garden on the right side, separated by a small road.)

I honestly don’t know if he gets lost or if he’s just too dumb to find his way back, but I genuinely don’t think he would’ve returned on his own. Bro disappears for five days even though he’s basically an indoor cat, and I’m the one who had to bring him home.

Sometimes when I feel way too guilty seeing him watch his friends through the window while he’s stuck inside the house, I still take him outside — but without taking my eyes off him for even a second. And even THAT isn’t enough. A few days ago, I looked away for FIVE FUCKING SECONDS and dude vanished for an entire afternoon.

I sincerely don’t understand where this behavior comes from. I guess he got a taste of the outdoors and now it’s too late to hope he’ll change, but if that’s the case, I’d at least like to train him somehow so he can go outside without ending up on the other side of town for days.

Again, this is a neutered cat, slightly overweight on top of that, and yet bro acts like Indiana Jones.

What would you recommend?

Je suis un homme de 26 ans et je suis profondément misogyne.

Ce n'est pas quelque chose que j'assume avec les autres ou du moins à demi mot. Je cache ça derrière des blagues la plupart du temps et même si je pense que la plupart de mes proches l'ont compris, personne ne me l'a vraiment reproché ou mis le nez dedans.

Je suis majoritairement entouré de femmes au travail et dans ma vie perso (je ne sors pas beaucoup) et mon père est absent depuis ma jeunesse. J'ai grandi avec une mère seule et un petit frère.

Je fais régulièrement des "blagues" sur le fait qu'elles soient faibles ou fragiles émotionnellement. Je n'apprécie pas qu'une femme ait de l'autorité sur moi, qu'elle ait une position supérieure ou qu'elle me conseille sur quelque sujet que ce soit. Beaucoup de comportements qui ne me gênent pas venant d'hommes me dérangent quand il s'agit d'une femme. Un peu comme si je me devais d'affirmer une position dominante sur elles.

Je ne suis pas comme ça avec toutes les femmes que je rencontre mais finit très vite par le devenir lorsque l'on commence a se connaître. La seule femme qui n'est pas concernée est ma mère. Je pense que les autres me supportent parce que je cache, comme dit plus tôt, cette misogynie derrière de l'humour et parvient tout de même a bien m'entendre avec elles au delà.

Je suis en couple depuis un an avec une fille avec qui la relation se passe bien car sa personnalité se concilie bien avec ça, elle est douce et calme, gentille, discrète, rationnelle et semble bien prendre mon humour. Malgré tout nous n'avons jamais abordé ce sujet.

Paradoxalement, je penses préférer avoir affaire a une femme dans un cadre formel/professionnel (psychologue, médecin, secrétaire, ect) parce que j'ai l'impression de préférer leur sensibilité.

J'ai déjà reflechi aux sources du problème sans vraiment mettre le doigt dessus. J'ai majoritairement souffert durant mon adolescence de mauvais rapports avec la gent féminine (harcèlement "t'es moche" ) ect, envie de plaire sans y parvenir, et suis tombé sur beaucoup de contenus a tendance misogyne sur internet avec lesquels j'ai fini par tomber d'accord. J'ai une vision du monde assez binaire: les hommes sont comme ci, les femmes sont comme ça, a chacun sa place et tout fonctionnera mieux ainsi. Je sens que cela m'handicape car cette forme de haine me fait autant de mal qu'il en fait aux autres. J'imagine qu'en parler a un professionnel pourrait aider mais je n'ose pas.

Qu'en pensez vous ?