I (34F) and my husband (34M) have been married for nearly 9 years. It hasn’t been smooth sailing but recently I have reached a point of mental exhaustion that I cannot deal with anymore. I had such high expectations for mariage and I guess for him that it just hurts so much. His line of défense is that my expectations are too high because I have an unrealistic view of marriage due to movies or social media but also that we have unresolved trauma. I agree that some heavy things from our past are still affecting us on an individual level but also has affected our relationship. However, my issue is the constant deflecting and attack of my character. He struggles to accept any opinion of mine with telling in some way or another how wrong I am no matter how well I present my arguments and sources his are constantly better and more reliable. If I have an issue of any sort, he’ll immediately start saying something along the lines of « that’s not normal, you shouldn’t be doing that or you should be doing this ». I am now closed off, angry, distant, agressive and feel insecure. Yesterday, we were talking about something and I gave my opinion on something which I had strong convictions about. When I came home he said « I did some research on PTSD and several of the symptoms match what you have one of them being cognitive rigidity and to me that explains so much on why you react the way you do to certain things where you just won’t let go on certain opinions. » I was baffled. I have been open about my mental health struggles when I was a teen to him and very vocal about mental health. During Covid, things weren’t great for me mentally and it was on me and on him too. But it just feels like he weaponised now as a means of explaining anything that he doesn’t like. My « fragility » as he calls it is just his angle. I cannot stand this as that has been my dad’s way of shifting blame on anyone but him for my entire life. When I shared how upset I was at his remark he said that he includes himself by saying that he also sometimes is cognitively rigid and won’t let go of certain ideas out of pride. I’m still upset at how in my case, it’s a mental state and in his case just an occasional flaw. I have cried for years in front of him and on my own because of how his constant reactions just make me feel so stupid and lonely. He said I should get diagnosed by a professional and that he will start therapy to speak of his childhood.
Am I the problem ? Am I too sensitive ?
TL;DR : My husband constantly puts down my opinions and blames most of my reactions on a fragile mental state when I am just broken from how disrespectful he’s been to me over the years.