First of all, thanks for this page as a lifeline and source of inspiration of brave human!
I am more motivated (but scared) to do a full recovery.
Long story short: at 13 yrs I am diagnosed with anorexia. Had multiple multi year recovery treatments - without success. I came to a point were I maintained the disordered habits with a steady weight (slightly underweight though :(). This was fine for years. My autism liked the pattern of eating everything always the same, and this held me kinda “healthy”. All objective markers (e.g., blood and heart) were fine (despite osteopenia and infertility). Now more than 17 years later of living this life - expressing this timescale feels actually embarrassing… disappointed in myself - I feel the urge to change this. I am constantly injured in my tendons and joints. Broke a bone or two. And feel like this really disrupts the fun things in my life. I WANT TO CHANGE.
Throughout the years I made various serious efforts. It did improve somewhat, but every time I move up on the scale, I get tremendous problems with the “parts of being female”. These feelings and thoughts are also what is all started when I was young. Breast, but, menstrual cycle - I cannot handle this. I am ok for being female, but don’t want to be female. I just want to be human. But since I am female in the end, these aspects come along with the road to recovery. Are other people experiencing similar things (the physical breakdown after years of ED and the feelings of body issues related to being female)? What did help you? I would love to hear some experiences if you feel ok with sharing some, as I really crossed a border: something needs to change to keep doing the things I love. Thank you for reading this.
And sorry: English is not my main language.