Hi there, I'm Eila, I'm turning 20 and I've run into the worst feeling road block in my life.
To start, I'd like to disclose that I have very bad memory, and I've developed anxiety without noticing, diving in my social skills from the ball or light in the room to a wall flower. Both my memory issues and my anxiety have affected my friendships, both in my work circles and extracurricular activities. I'm even distant with my roommates, who try so very hard to have meaningful conversations with me, and I just shy away.
I'm sick of it. I got like this after my relationship with my 25 year old ex, but now, I'm with the love of my life who tries to get me to be social in his circles and my own. He's way better at being social than me and it made me realize just how much of a social dud I've become.
Please, god, what do I do to fix this. I don't have friends anymore, either I've pushed them away by drastic emotional responses/boundaries I've set, or I can't make new ones that share the same interests as me.
It feels like everything around me except for my relationship with my partner is superficial, and I make every single social situation worse by opening my mouth.
Is there any advice you can give me?