This is only day 4 of no contact and day 16 of breakup. Every inch of my body is screaming at me to go back. I wake up from extreme heart ache every morning and cry to sleep.
I feel so discarded after I found out he has moved on to his next supply. After that I can’t stop crying even when I hang out with friends and when I’m at work. I almost had the urge to text him that I’d wait for him and be his backup option forever, despite his constant insults, degrading, lying and gaslighting.
It’s a shame to say but I really miss his presence. I’ve tried my best to pick up my hobbies that I lost while with him, but I feel like all my joy is gone and my life has lost its purpose. He made me feel so ugly and stupid now I genuinely believe I can’t find anyone better than this man.
What should I do? I feel like my work performance is declining significantly and I’m very anxious about it. Although he also caused me so much stress and brain fog that my career got stuck for 2 years. I really don’t know how to function without him. I keep ruminating if I try harder and communicate better maybe he’d change.
Or maybe it’s my problem that I’m not good enough? If he finds a better woman it would be all different. He is nice when he doesn’t gaslight me. I have to fight the urge to beg him to come back every hour. Please help.