hi am 21 ive been too skinny my whole life i was 45 177cm for a long time, only on the past year have i managed to gain weight using unapproved medication privately (mk677).
i love food i dont have a hate situationship for food at all. and ive always tried gaining weight, ive never worried about being fat or overweight so it isnt that either, anyways
when i eat too much, my brain goes to a bad state where suicidal thoughts become very common and i feel this sense of an existential crisis creeping in so i always just stop at that point and it usually stops too cuz i easily distract myself.
note: smoking a cigarette helps remove these thoughts almost instantly after smoking.
am 67kg rn, only gained weight cuz i took mk677 and it basically made me really hungry and makes food taste better and i could eat a ton, averaging 4-4.5K calories daily on it with no bad thoughts whatsoever.
i do have an appointment and am planning to share this with my psychiatrist but its in 2 weeks and am really curious to know more about it beforehand
little note: diagnosed with adhd
and i am NOT looking for a diagnosis nor am i sad about my situation at all. its all just out of curiosity