MIL keeps asking for money and making my husband feel terrible! Advice please!
Hey everyone! I need some advice! This is my first post ever so please be nice lol
Just as the title says this is about my MIL. To start from the beginning, my husband (32 M) and myself (33 F) moved over 800 miles away from where we were living (near my family) to move in with his parents so they wouldn’t lose their house. We were married less than a year and we decided to help them out. We moved in with them and ending up staying for 4 years.
My husband is gone for work a ton (like 5 months at a time with 3 month off inbetween) so it was mostly myself and our dog in their house. We had the whole upstairs and paid them rent (about $800 a month). We also ended up getting them all new HVAC system, hot water heater, and washer dryer without ever asking for anything back. While living there, my MIL started out fine and then slowing started getting worse and worse. She would constantly ask me for more money and ask me not to tell my husband which obviously wouldn’t work because we had one account, she yelled at me and said I was the reason their electric bill was so high because I accidentally left my ceiling fan on when I left for work one day, she constantly would be upset about literally anything and would ignore me, to around slamming doors, etc. she’d get mad if we didn’t say hi to her every time we saw her, if we didn’t get her a “good enough” gift for holiday, if my husband didn’t call her on holidays (‘one you he is usually 12-14 hours time difference from us and I barely talk to him) finally we moved out and into our own house about 30 minutes from them.
We had a baby 18 months ago and honestly his parents were barely around postpartum and it was just us figuring it out which is fine but I could tell it really hurt my husband. Like he had to leave for 3 months when she was 3 months old and I was home alone with my 3 month old completely alone as a FTM with no family and I think I saw them one time in the 3 months.
Anyways, long story short, his mom stopped asking for money when we moved out and had a baby and I thought she understood he had a house and family to take care of so that’s why she stopped. When my for was about a year old my husband left again and I started having my MIL babysit on the weekends so I could work so she wouldn’t be in daycare 5 days a week and it went fine at first. Recently, I texted her that I wasn’t going to work to the weekend as my girl was sick and I wanted to stay home with her. She proceeded to text my husband saying “I need $200 so just send it, don’t tell (me) just send it” which very much upset my husband. She never texts him especially when he’s gone for work unless she needs money. Also we pay her $100 a day for babysitting even thought she said we didn’t her to. She Never asks him how he is or anything. So he texts her saying this is not how a parents is supposed to act and she stopped. My husband calls me that night crying and just said “I don’t understand why my mom just sees me as an atm” and it broke my heart.
So skip ahead a week, I text her letting her know I am not working one Sunday and then next as it is Mother’s Day (which I told her about in March, but I wanted to remind her in case she wanted to pick up a shift at work). She first said okay but then a few minutes later saying “idk maybe just keep her in daycare” which I was like okay I see what you’re doing. You either want me to beg you or be mean. So I just responded “okay I’ll make that work! Thanks again for watching her and let me know when you want to come see her!” And she never replied.
Fast forward to the day before Mother’s Day, my husband sent her flowers and a candle from the 3 of us to be delivered on Saturday. She ended up calling me to invite me with them and a few other family members for dinner on Mother’s Day but my girl just got dx with a double ear infection so I was planning to just stay in. She then texted me saying thank you for the flowers but never said anything to my husband.
So Mother’s Day comes, I barely get to talk to my husband as he is again 14 hours ahead and very busy at work. We had a maybe3 minute call at 7 am to say happy Mother’s Day and that’s it (he also got me flowers and a gift delivered). I didn’t hear from him the rest of the day/night which I completely understand as he is busy and the time change. He then sends me a screen shot of his mom texting him at around 7 pm our time that said “ Go ahead and block me but your a dick head you can't even call you our mother to wish a happy Mothers Day. Well good fuck off”. Which my husband didn’t respond because he is obviously upset and he’s like she didn’t get my gift? And I was like no she did she told me which made him more sad/mad. Then the NEXT DAY she texts me asking if I’m home because she wants to see my daughter. I was at work that day so I said that and that was it but I’m like how are you going to act like you didn’t say that to my husband???
I just need advice what I do or how to help my husband? He told me I don’t need to get involved but he feels terrible even if he won’t admit it. He just keeps sending me memes about how he wishes he had a family that loved him etc. and it’s breaking my heart! I know she feels “owed” his money ( my husband is very successful after working very hard his whole life. Not like millions but makes six figures and we don’t have to worry about living paycheck to paycheck). She has when they where in a fight before how much she spend on him growing up and he owes her which I explained to him is NOT a thing! And I know he wants to help as we already have so much in the past but he still feels like he has to do more since she expects it. I just need help to first help him feel better and b whole I say anything to my MIL? I don’t want to keep her from my daughter but I’m worried she’ll come over and start shit talking my husband which I am not okay with at all but especially not in front of my daughter! Help please!