This is my first Reddit post so please bear with me.
Last night I found out my parents are talking about separating. This completely shocked me because they have always seemed really affectionate and have been married for over 20 years. I only found out because my dad and I got into a really bad argument. He said some really hurtful things, like that he’s ashamed of me and might disown me. My mom got really upset and told him it was time for him to move out. Later she told me she has actually been thinking about separating for a while. I’ve been really emotional and crying a lot since finding this out.
After a couple hours, I texted my boyfriend and told him what was going on. He replied “wtf 😭” and said he’s sure everything will be fine and blow over in a week. I told him I don’t think that’s true because my dad is moving out and this feels a lot more serious than just a fight. I asked what he was doing and if we could call. He sent a picture of himself watching a movie and then said we could call. He called me, but my mom came in and needed to talk, so I told him I would call him later. He just said “ok” and that was it.
That upset me because he didn’t really offer any support. He didn’t say I could call him anytime or check in more, and he didn’t offer me a place to stay even though my dad told me to leave and I’ve stayed at his place before. I ended up telling him I felt unsupported and he said sorry. I was really exhausted so I just said goodnight. The next morning he texted asking how I was doing. I said a bit better and that I’m staying with my best friend. He just said “ok” and that was it. Around noon I tried to be a bit lighthearted and texted him saying I miss his singing voice and asked if he could sing for me this weekend. He just replied “sure.” It felt kind of dry but I thought maybe he was busy. We usually text every couple hours, but I didn’t hear from him again. By around 5:30 pm, almost 6 hours later, still nothing. I’m usually the one who texts first, but since he had been short earlier I didn’t want to bug him. I ended up texting him saying that given everything going on, I thought he would check in on me a bit more. I don’t need constant texting, just something every couple hours or even a quick “I love you” so I know he’s thinking of me.
He replied saying he’s sorry and that he does care, but he’s high on shrooms and on a call helping his friend build an app. He smokes weed a lot and it usually isn’t an issue, but this felt different. I told him I was upset because now I can’t even really talk to him since he’s high. He replied “I really can’t do this right now. I genuinely can’t deal with this, I’m throwing up.” That made me really frustrated. I told him I’m trying to talk about something serious, my parents separating, and he hasn’t checked in all day and now he’s high and can’t talk. After that he stopped responding completely even though he saw my messages.
I’m trying to be fair and understand that just because something is happening in my life doesn’t mean it’s his responsibility. But I also feel like there is a basic level of care you show your partner when they are going through something like this.
Also, when we are together in person he is great. He is really comforting and attentive. But when we are apart, I sometimes feel like I don’t exist to him. This isn’t the first time this has happened.
Thoughts?