We don't play loud music or have loud sex???
My fiancé and I live in a rental and are generally very quiet tenants. No parties, no loud music, quiet at night, etc. We received an anonymous handwritten note on our door from a neighbor saying they could hear us having sex and mentioning their teenage daughter. The note also accused us of “loud music,” which honestly isn’t true.
For context, I mostly listen to podcasts/audiobooks upstairs at normal talking-volume levels, and I’m usually asleep by 10 PM. My fiancé and I work opposite schedules and honestly only have sex maybe once or twice a month because we’re exhausted all the time. This was not “headboard banging against the wall” or screaming banshee sex. The last time we had sex was around 7 PM on a Wednesday.
What’s really bothering me is how personal and shaming the note felt. They waited days and then put it on our door anonymously on a Saturday evening when the leasing office was closed. The whole thing made me feel deeply uncomfortable and honestly anxious in my own home. Now I feel hyper-aware of every sound we make and even nervous about intimacy with my fiancé, which feels ridiculous because we are not disruptive people.
To add context, our complex has previously asked residents NOT to leave anonymous/passive-aggressive notes because prior neighbor disputes escalated badly. While living here, there was an incident a year ago at the unit across from us where someone chased a DoorDasher with a baseball bat over a parking issue and hit her car with it. Two months ago, someone also threw a tequila bottle near our garage door. So getting an anonymous personal note on our door did not feel harmless to me.
We documented the note with management because the anonymous/personal nature of it made us uncomfortable, but we specifically said we are not trying to escalate or get anyone in trouble.
I guess I’m looking for perspective:
- Would this bother you as much as it’s bothering me?
- Is this just part of apartment living?
- Would you have contacted management?
- How do you stop feeling self-conscious in your own home after something like this?