Is he even valuing me or am I simply gestating his child?
Me and my hubby (both 32) together for 10 years and expecting our first child this year (his condition for further life together).
We had his business tip scheduled from Europe to USA, though I was advised by my Obgyn not to fly and I’ve stayed.
Today I’ve read his chat (hubby allowed long time ago, now claims it’s unfair that I’ve read it at all) from the time of his trip to States with a friend of his (whom I despise and see as a person of low morality, who is a persona non grata among other girlfriends of their mutual friends). And the chat goes as follows: [f=friend, h= husband]
- h: I’m too horny
- f: you could fuck a wet diaper
- h: cute woman at a conference seems like she is hitting on me a little and I struggle 🥲 makes me unhappy
- f: why do you struggle. Just imagine she’s a diaper
- h: cause I’m married
- f: it’s not cheating if she is a diaper
- h: and I like my wife and stuff
- f: you should ask your wife for permission. I’m not saying you should cheat. I was saying you can get a permission if you want to fuck a wet diaper.
- h: My wife is very anxious/envious/scared. Asking her such thing would be a nuclear explosion
-f: of course
- h: she would cry forever and shit 🤷♂️
- f: *gif saying: are you sure???*”
I have confronted my husband about it. At first he denied he was considering an affair or even that anybody was hitting on him during his solo trip. Then he magically had a recollection of the chat and denied he expressed hesitation and it was rather a random expression of his unfulfilled needs from his 2 weeks long absence from home and that new woman that was „maybe slightly hitting on him” made this feeling worse. He also explained that writing he „likes me and stuff” doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me and it’s a matter of his specific phrasing in the chat with this particular friend. In the chat the husband never! states anything like „stop it, I would never sleep with anyone else than my wife”. To merit gives more of a „I would love to do it, but she would be furious and that is the only reason” vibe.
Tl;dr I’ve read a chat between my husband and his friend. My husband was on a business trip on a different continent back then and reported he „struggles” as a random „cute woman” was hitting on him. The friend suggested he should give it a go as it can be purely physical, husband in reply says that he is married and he LIKES his wife.
When the friend insisted my husband should ask me for permission my hubby responded that I would cry about it and it would be a nuclear disaster as I am already anxious/envious/scared.
- i got the impression that my husband was „struggling” because he really wanted to have sex with that woman at that particular situation and NOT because he was horny in general, as he later explained to me. Am I correct?
- this experience made me totally hesitant about our marriage. I don’t think he sees me as the love of his life, but rather prefect mom and a home maker to fulfil his long dream of becoming a father. I’ve lost my trust in his faithfulness and honesty. And it feels so heavy especially now when I’m pregnant, which wasn’t even my dream, just unplanned whoopsie along the way.
- is it ridiculous of me to divorce my husband?