I (22M) and my fiancee(23F) have been together for about 6 years(4 long distance and 2 living together) throughout our relationship(mostly when i was 18 and below) , i've hurt her by saying things without considering her feelings, because i was sellfish, dramatic, maybe not depressed, but totally not mentally mature. I've been hurt as well(i know it's not a competition), but from what she says and feels, i gave her scars and even though she loves me, she feels a pain, as if neglecting herself or not giving justice for herself, for staying with me.
Just to give an example, when younger, in an argument where i was confused about my feelings and feeling sad, i admitted had had attraction for a friend while in a relationship with her, to be clear i never cheated, but that's not how she feels, and i understand, and if you ask me why i say such thing or why expose her to my own drama or treat her like a trauma dumpster, i have no excuse, at the time i saw her as a confidant, and abused her trust by over exhausting her becaus she loved me.
When we talk about those times, i honestly don't understand why i did it, i've grown because i wanted to be the man she deserved, did everything to make her feel loved, and i'm not talking about financial, i went to therapy, even though i'm still an emotional person, i did all i could to show how much i love her and am being honest about it, but still, her trust for me is gone, since i don't relate to the things i said in the past, she sees as me minimizing things or not being honest, but trust me, i take full blame and feel terrible about it, but she doesn't trust me because after so many arguments i seem to contradict myself throughout the years.
She is considering ending the relationship, and i don't know what to do, we discussed about her going to therapy, i would help her, but still, she feels hopeless, and i just can't process or believe i was able to make someone feel like that.
Can anyone give me some advice? I honestly don't know what to do.