u/Booopbooopp

My partner got diagnosed with terminal cancer whilst I was still coming off my diazepam taper, luckily right at the end so I didn’t think about not stopping from my 0.5mg week. Since then it has been so stressful. I barely sleep because there’s so much to do during the day and then there’s a lot of disruption at night and I just can’t sleep. I get woken up every few hours and it takes too long to get back to sleep so I just give up. I feel like I just need to rest and recover from being on diazepam for 10 years but now I don’t think I can ever rest again.

I’m worried that the taper will be pointless because I haven’t actually been able to recover since stopping the benzos. Maybe it already did recover but it certainly doesn’t feel like it has. I haven’t been able to look after myself or my mental health since I stopped. I don’t know if it’s going to cause damage to myself because since I stopped my stress levels have been at maximum every single second of the day. I can’t see myself having any time to care for myself now. I’m so stressed out I feel like I’m going to have a breakdown. I don’t think I’m going to relapse, it’s not even really a consideration for me. I guess this is just a rant really. It’s been so hard to get off diazepam. The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my whole life and I can’t believe I did it. I won’t ever take another benzo because I seriously will never be able to get off them again. I feel like it was a 1 real chance thing and I’m not strong enough to go through that again. I just can’t stop wondering what the point was now. I mean, I understand what the point was but I haven’t been able to actually feel anything positive because I’m so tired and stressed and what if it never feels better because I haven’t been able to let myself get better?

I am happy and so grateful that my doctor helped me with a fast taper, I won’t throw that away. I don’t have anyone to talk to irl about my problems and now, they seem so small compared to my partners problems so there’s no way I’d talk to him about it when he’s really suffering. I’m sorry for the ranting post.

Apart from the wait times, so far the NHS treatment has been good. I don’t have any complaints about the NHS actually, it’s just a shame the waiting is SO long.

My partner has throat cancer that has spread to his liver. He’s doing really well at the moment with no side effects from the cancer besides not being able to swallow because of the tumour.

I just want to know before it’s too late, should we go private? He’s getting chemo and immunotherapy on the nhs and from the sounds of it, a strong dose because he’s so young and healthy. We’ve been told they can’t remove the tumour in his throat because it’s metastasised and the only thing really is to stop the growth.

Would there be better options if he went private? I know he can’t be cured and we’ve come to terms with that but I just want him to get the best possible care. Would they possibly remove his throat tumour if we paid? It’s causing some issues for him and I don’t really understand why they can’t remove it now. I know it won’t fix the cancer or change anything and new tumours could still grow but it would make his life a lot easier.
I would like to know now before things get further along and we never gave it a try.

Thank you.

Sorry if this is not allowed.

I’ve seen the news about the new quick injection that will free up so much hospital time and time for patients and it sounds wonderful. My husband is having chemo on top anyway so it wouldn’t save too much time for him but I wanted to know why they didn’t do this in the first place and how they got to this point now? I did try to find a study or somewhere to learn more but maybe my searching skills are not great, I couldn’t find much.

I know this is probably a stupid question. Thank you in advance. Have a great weekend