Is he worth it?
I 22f have been dating this guy 22m for over a month.
For reference we went to school together but never really spoke. Later we texted for a couple of months until he decided he wasn’t ready for a relationship, fast forward a year, out of the blue he asked me on a date.
Our dates have gone really well, we end spending a few hours talking. We have the same morals and have a couple of the same hobbies. We’re both kinda awkward but it’s a comfortable awkward.
After a couple dates he told me he had doubts about dating, again. Told me he was afraid of hurting me if things didn’t work out in the long run. And suggested we slow down.
After my friends reassured me that this either means he cares too much or doesn’t like me but was trying to be nice, I told him what I was feeling. That I really liked him but understood if he didn’t feel the same. But I wasn’t going to wait for him to make up his mind while he dragged me along. I didn’t want to miss out on life, and being afraid of what could happened causes just that. Missing out.
I also told him there was no slower, that would be stopping. We hadn’t even held hands.
He told me I was right that fear shouldn’t stop him, that he did really like me. Then listed what he liked about me, and we planned another date.
We started talking more and kept going on dates. I was starting to think I could have a real relationship with him. Then he lost his job.
This doesn’t bother me any, things happen, it wasn’t his fault. He stared answering me less and taking longer to text before he finally told me what happened. I told him I am here for him and tried to be encouraging, ensuring he’d find a better job. Asking him how he’s handling it. I’ve been where he is before.
Every date since then he’s either cancelled by saying things like “I might have a belly ache that day”, or saying he doesn’t want to spend money. I told him I didn’t want to spend money either I just wanted to spend time with him, and he acted like he'd go later in the week.
He finally admitted that being fired had really stressed him out. (Which was obvious to me, I'd asked him several times if he was okay and he was honest that it was rough but that he was keeping his head up, hopeful for the future. But I could tell it really bothered him.) he said he can't find motivation. That he felt like he hadn't been doing enough regarding our relationship, and that was causing pressure. That he really likes me but “needs time to get used to everything”.
He said he was sorry this happened so soon. I honestly saw it coming, every other time he got distant right before. I haven’t answered him, I’m not sure how to.
All this had me wondering if it was ever worth my time. Not holding my hand did bothered me, but he’s a Christian and so am I so was trying to respect his boundaries. With that I agree that he hasn’t been doing enough. He called me cute once, and has otherwise not really complemented me. I enjoyed his company but it was hardly different than time I spend with my friends. I was hoping with time he’d open up. He is thoughtful, referencing things I’ve mentioned I really like, even if it was a while ago. There’s just something about him, I’ve never went on a date unless I really felt good about it. Which is few and far between
I’ve seen a few guys in my life almost lose women they later married because of misunderstanding in how they treated their gfs. No flowers, little physical contact(holding hands kisses etc.), treating them like a regular friend. So I was beginning to think that men just have no clue these days. That a man who gives flowers and flirts and compliments constantly, either is one in a million or takes time to do so.
I suppose I just need advice all over. How do I answer him? Do I tell him he’s right, he hasn’t been doing enough? Will the right guy know how to make me feel appreciated? I realize I’m young, but where I’m from it’s the norm.