u/Books_and_Lattes

My PwBPD happens to be my best friend (F), and I am her FP(F). I made the mistake several years ago about sharing my desire to move out of the state we live in. Though I do want to move, when I had shared it I wasn’t planning it ANY time soon. I also have ADHD, hence why it has been years already and I haven’t moved yet. The desire to move is still there and I am actively working on steps to make that a reality. I say all this to say, this was the first time I experienced her split on me. And ever since then, it has been the wedge in our friendship. Of course this triggers her abandonment wound…I could still see maintaining a close friendship even if we lived far, but to her it’s like the ultimate deal breaker in someone she wants as a best friend. I get her perspective, but I don’t feel like she truly supports my desire and it makes this friendship feel so conditional. I’m writing to gain any encouragement and maybe hear other’s perspectives too…what is your persons main trigger and how do you navigate that being a constant conversation…

We argued weekly

I felt emotionally drained

I felt responsible for their stability

My needs got dismissed

She reframed things to avoid accountability

I felt anxious more than peaceful

I questioned myself constantly

In it feels like so much pain and hurt..constantly abandoning yourself to please them, making sure they don’t get triggered, ensure their happiness..but when we’re in a break I feel all the good memories and just miss her! I feel like I’m left here questioning my reality.. this is so hard.

Anyone ever experience a loved one w/BPD completely disassociate? I’m taking almost like a comatose state? One of the scariest experiences to observe happen in real time :(