Sexuality help
Hey, I had a sit down with my friend and we went over sexual attraction and what it entails. I (F18) am a bit stupid and take things quite literally, and don't really understand what the difference between sexual and physical attraction is.
Some context is that I am Muslim, so I don't date before marriage. I feel like this may play a part in my sexuality; however, there are plenty of muslim women who want to get married and have sex. I'm lost.
I feel romantic attraction (to both sexes if that matters at all) but I've never ever thought about a person "sexually" at all. I don't even know what that entails. I've never wanted to kiss someone because I've never kissed anyone before. Ive never wanted to make out with someone because ive never made out with someone before. How would I want to do that if ive never done it before? Do people that haven't kissed or made out with someone yearning to do so because other people say its something your supposed to like? How would you know???
I don't think about people in a "sexual" way I guess? My friend told me to try to think about someone I was physically attracted to shirtless, but it feels like a huge invasion of privacy. Even writing this I'm physically cringing. How could you do that? I would HATE if someone was thinking of me shirtless. Honestly it feels dirty to think of, and I feel like that might be purity culture.
What does sexually even mean?? When people are talking about sexual attraction are they thinking about someone in bed?? Like "I bet his penis is large" or "I bet her boobs bounce when she get fucked"??? That's so filthy? Go home?? I feel like as a muslim if a man thought about me sexually I would feel violated to a degree? Wouldn't you??
I understand that everyone here is most likely asexual, so I get if I get skewed results from this post, but a large reason I dont think im asexual is because I'm not that old. I think it might just kick in later in life. I never had celebrity crushes until late high-school I guess. Also, tmi but I do feel horny sometimes. I don't do anything about it, but obviously I have a sexual urge to a degree. I think I might just be too uncomfortable with men to envision having sex with them. How do you even go about that? I know I sound like a baby, but I really need someone to spell it out for me. It just seems so awkward. I don't know, I always thought that because I was muslim I didn't feel sexual attraction until I started talking to more of my friends 😭
I really hope I am just young, because where the fuck am I going to find an asexual muslim man? What if I change my mind? What if I dont??
Sorry this was a lot, I am quite lost.
Thanks for reading.
tldr: sexual attraction is a violation of privacy?