Hi yall.
I was gently forced into an arranged marriage couple of months ago. By gently forced I mean like emotionally manipulated by my mother saying I won’t have any other prospects and that this is my only chance and she wouldn’t leave me alone about this person until I just said yes to get her off my back. At first I was going to give it a go and I tried I did but turns out she didn’t even know if he spoke English or not and didn’t even know his true age until after she said yes to the guys family. I told her that was ridiculous already and I wasn’t attracted to the guy but she wouldn’t leave it alone and basically attacked my character too and I’m the type of person who avoids confrontation and fights so I just went along with it. Now months later I am so mentally and physically exhausted that I can’t do this anymore. Context I am not very good at my native language as I grew up in the states so I can’t read it or write it and barley learned how to do the romanization option of it like last year so it’s hard for me to communicate that way. Well turns out the guy doesn’t speak English and tries and uses ChatGPT to communicate which is ridiculous already. We also do not match in any aspect. Our likes and dislikes we have different cultures basically growing up in different countries.
Anyways I tried getting to know him but I realized that it just was not going to work like we are complete opposites and people who don’t have anything in common even a language that isn’t going to work like ever. And I also got the vibes he mostly was in this for the visa which is valid I guess like why else would you want to marry an American citizen? We did the religious ceremony digitally because my mom was pressuring but we haven’t lived together or are together I’ve been lowkey ghosting him barley met the guy like 2 times in person and had like 1 conversation in person. Again this whole custom is ridiculous. Anyways my parents are super strict and my mom keeps threatening that this will break her and my dad and they won’t survive this if I end the marriage. She really is sick and so is my dad which is another reason why I kept quiet but I’ve been suffering inside for so long. It has gotten to the point where I want to lay in bed and not talk to anyone anymore because of how mentally exhausted I am. I had ambitions and wants. I want to go out into the world and research and explore and help. I don’t want to be stuck in my city with someone I don’t want because of restrictions. Also I’d like to mention within like 1 week of me communicating with that man he tried to tell me to take off my photos on my social medias because he didn’t want people seeing it. I was like no then I told him I’ll block him so he don’t gotta worry bout it and I did lol.
So long story short. Anyone have advice on how to get out of this? I just sent my mom a long explanation written out and translated using Google translate for our native language because I’m not very good with words in our language I’m better at expressing feelings in English. Again what ways can we end this without the whole “what will people say” thing. Like do I fake a illness (technically wouldn’t be fake because I am going through some health issues) also another thing to mention is that my parents have gone through marriage break up with my sibling so they are traumatized from that too with people bothering them about it and I was basically their hope. I just don’t think it’s fair that all that pressure is put on me. Like I’m sick of the what will people say stuff. That type of culture is so toxic and I’m tired of this mindset and the hold it has on the older generation. We should be able to break rishtas because we aren’t compatible like why do we have to force ourselves to like this person and marry them even if we don’t match at all just because “people” know that we said yes to the engagement/marriage. Why is it so bad to end it before you live together or have the cultural marriage. Like I feel like people are more okay with divorcing after you live together and have kids and stuff. It doesn’t make any sense to me.
Any advice?