My (33F) partner (37M) and I just had a tiny argument and he flew off the handle, shouted in my face with the scariest expression I've ever seen and didn't think him capable of, and threw what he was holding across the room (it was only carrots, but still).
We've been together 12 years and I can only recall two other times he's done something like this. One about 8 months into our relationship where we were having a dumb drunk argument and he pushed me away from him and i fell backwards. He minimised it and i let it go as a drunk argument.
Then about 18months into our relationship where he threw a lounge chair and broke the arm on it. I cant remember why, but either way since then, nothing other than normal arguments, usually over something political as we don't share the same views on a lot of things, where we've both shouted at eachother and apologised after a cool off period. We've also argued over me not doing housework in the past, I have ADHD and struggle to remember to do things and am not as tidy as him.
The argument this time was tiny. It wasnt even an argument really.
I was trying to figure out logistics for how we were going to attend an event as we have pets at home to find minders for. He suggested something and I said I don't know, I'll find out. He said why would it be an issue, I said I don't know I'll find out if we can do that. He repeated the same, and so did I with frustration that I'm literally on my phone asking questions to find out if we can do what he suggested. This happened again with more frustration from both of us and he told me to stop talking to him. I said I'm literally trying to find out. He said again stop talking to me and I said what do you mean, I'm trying to find out if we can do what you suggested.
He then flew off the handle, got in my face with a terrifying look on his face and his hands raised in fists and said stop fucking speaking to me like shit.
I paused at his expression and said what the hell is wrong with you? He then threw the carrots he had in his hand across the kitchen, pushed past me and stormed upstairs.
I sat downstairs in silence trying to process it whilst he was upstairs. When he came down 15min later he just went back to cooking.
I've then gone upstairs, had a shower and am now sat with wet hair, typing this and still trying to process the whole thing.
I know I kept talking when he told me not to, but I wasn't swearing at him or speaking to him like shit. The conversation was as I've written it above.
To add, he's just come upstairs, walked past the room I'm sat in into his gaming room and logged onto his PC, huffing out breaths like he's still trying to calm down.
I'm still sat with wet hair almost afraid to make any noise. I'm afraid to do the same and log on to my xbox incase he's expecting me to do some chore I haven't thought of and will get pissed off like I'm neglecting responsibilities.
I dont know how to handle this and feel like I'm on eggshells. I don't know if I can talk to him, if he's going to talk to me when he's ready, if I should apologise or if he needs to.
I would appreciate any advice.