Is it a sin to like someone?
How can I forgive someone when I can’t even forget what happened? I don’t know how to remove this grudge that I feel cause it keeps on haunting me even if I’m away na. Basically, I moved to a new place before because of how toxic my family, I had to transfer school and to a new environment.
It was a rural area, not modernized and urbanized pa. I tried to fit in with people there and adapted their ways in life for a few months. Unfortunately, things happen for a reason they say. There’s this girl who I treated as a friend. She’s religious (Baptist) which is good for her, active din siya sa church nila. Got good grades iykyk the grading system of DepEd (kinda shitty cause of how biased they are, mostly teachers)
I started dating a girl and she was the first one I told about liking that gir. I thought she’s cool with it but I guess not. She spread that around campus, people distan themselves at me as if I’m a disease na nakakahawa. I didn’t let it bother me at first, I had guts that she told everyone because that environment is not really open abt things like that. People would give me dirty looks but I didn’t mind.
Then, hinihintay ko na lang na umamin siya kasi alam ko na sa loob ko nga. Eventually umamin din pero masakit pala manggaling sa kanya yung katotohanan. I heard from a friend of her na nilaag siya, group kasi and nagstalk sila ng tiktok reposts nung girl na nagustuhan ko. They would mock at laugh at us cause we started to talk that time. It was not that easy cause it is considered cyberbullying kasi gumawa pa sila ng gc para pag usapan kami.
Pano ba magpatawad? Kasi nag usap kami pero sa sobrang selfless ko sinabi kong okay lang at sana wag na maulit, wag na lang idamay yung nagugustuhan ko. We didn’t talk after that and she has the nerve na umakto na para bang siya yung inapi. Galit na galit ako deep inside, how can people be so evil even if they worship Lord? How can they be so hypocrit? Is praying and confessing enough to save themselves from their sins?
I had to transfer again and I found out later on that she was the valedictoria which didn’t sit right with some of my cm na same strand na STEM. Majority of them told me that I should be the one na top 1 if I was there. Not saying that she’s whatever, same kasi kami ng performance academically. In my defense, I don’t think I did something bad to her for her to treat me like that.
Ang unfair lang kasi siya yung sumakses eh. Bakit hindi man lang siya kinakarma? Dahil ba religious siya at ako hindi? Dahil ba active sa church at ako hindi? Isa rin tong dahilan bat medyo lumayo pa ako sa Diyos kasi ang unfair sa part ko. Hindi man lang siya nagsuffer sa mga bagay na ginawa niya. Kulang na lang maging mangkukulam ako eh para ako na magparusa o kaya i-evil eye ko siya. I know this is bad but you can’t blame me if I feel like this. I spent days crying in my bed when they did stuff to me. I asked God why His children making me feel like shit. Not to mention that all her friends are religious too and part of that gc.
How could I forget that? even forgive? Feeling ko mafufulfill lang ako kapag nakita kong naghihirap siya.